Purpose-Focused Marriage / Julie and Greg Gorman Use Business Skills to Move Marriages Forward

God has a beautiful way of redeeming brokenness to serve his purposes. As carbon under enough pressure becomes a beautiful diamond, so too, do those who overcome adversity through the power of the Holy Spirit shine Christ’s light.

When Julie and Greg Gorman married 24 years ago, they didn’t start with a blank slate. Both were previously divorced, Greg was raising a pre-school-age daughter, and when Julie became pregnant shortly after their honeymoon with two babies in three years, stress levels escalated. On top of those circumstances, Julie and Greg had been raised in highly dysfunctional homes and carried wounds, coping mechanisms and baggage from their past. They knew they loved God and each other, and neither wanted a second divorce, but the daily blowouts, mistrust and constant chaos became almost too much to bear.

One night, two years into their marriage, Greg left to get some air after another volatile argument. Julie fell on her knees before the Lord, begging him to do whatever it took to save her marriage. She felt God tell her to love Greg like God had loved her – unconditionally. “He gave me a picture of unmerited grace and unconditional love,” she said. “I had vowed I wasn’t going to let a man hurt me, but I needed to be vulnerable.” She felt God asking her to entrust Greg to him. “When I couldn’t trust Greg, I could trust God to change the things I needed to change.” That revelation opened the door to the two being able to relate to each other more constructively. “I stopped being Greg’s Holy Spirit,” Julie said.

Their pastor asked them to begin leading a young marrieds group at their church, and while the fellowship and transparent sharing was helpful, the two credit the business world for teaching them skills they needed to move their marriage to a better place. As Julie and Greg worked together to revitalize a failing insurance branch, management techniques and interpersonal skills that made them successful at work bled into their home life with positive results.

Practical wisdom, applied with intention, made the difference, Greg noted, as he tried the principle, Lead by Example, at home. Julie realized when dealing with a difficult boss that she didn’t need to air out every grievance – restraint she started to employ with Greg. They began to leverage each other’s strengths rather than try to change each other. As they learned better communication practices, they would ask themselves, “What is the desired outcome? Do I want to fight tonight or have peace?” They found working toward a unified vision to be a great motivator, a strategy they employ when coaching today.

Seven years into their marriage, the logjam broke. Greg transparently shared a struggle with Julie and was surprised and relieved when instead of accusation he found grace. This breakthrough marked a turning point in their marriage. They were able to achieve the unity they had been seeking. Their personal growth catalyzed their desire to become even more involved in helping others. They became certified by the Patterson Center, Dr. John C. Maxwell, and the Personality Insights Institute. Julie and Greg created the Married For a Purpose ministry two decades ago to help couples create more fulfilling, purposeful marriages. The motto: “Marriage is Beautiful. Family is Forever.”

An article published in Time magazine reported every person longs for a spouse who sees them, accepts them for who they are and brings out their best, Julie said. That’s what Married For a Purpose does: it helps people see the best, believe the best and speak the best of their spouse – at first from disciplining the mind, but then through heart change, so the best is truly what they see,” Julie said. “There’s a place and a space where we begin to look at each other as human beings instead of the enemy. Slow down, connect, listen for understanding. In an argument, think about what’s being said that you actually agree with and build on common ground.”

“The chief aim is to learn to live in unity,” Greg echoed. “Everything we coach will lead to a better result than living in discord.”

As they transitioned out of corporate America into full-time coaching, Julie was afraid she would be disqualified to serve God because of her divorce. She found what she thought held her back was the very platform on which she would stand. The couple has heard countless times that their story inspires hope.

Julie wrote two books, What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Men and What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Marriage, which led to a contract to publish, Two are Better Than One: God Has A Purpose for Your Marriage, which the couple wrote in 2016. Their most recent book, Married for a Purpose: New Habits of Thinking for a Higher Way of Living: 52 Weekly Devotionals for Couples came out in 2018.

In addition to books, Married For a Purpose offers personal coaching, online classes, a Reboot retreat, and coach and marriage champion training. Couples can seek private coaching from the Gormans or one of the 30 couples they’ve trained through their certification programs. A link on their website, https://marriedforapurpose.com, will match couples with coaches who will be a good fit, including those who personally understand the special circumstances of a first responder, ministry or military family.

“We want to serve those communities well,” Greg said. “They have very unique challenges in their homes. We have coaches who speak their language and understand their world, so they can get the help they need.”

A hallmark of Married For a Purpose’s philosophy expressed in Two are Better Than One is to live purpose focused, not problem focused. Greg pointed out that all thought leaders throughout time agree, “We become what we think about,” as found in the Bible, “As we think in our hearts, so we become.” Many couples find when they go for help that well intentioned people focus so much on their problem they actually magnify it. Instead, the Gormans help couples discover a desired outcome, then move forward toward that rather than dwelling on the negative energy of the past.

“In marriage we become comfortable, which leads to complacency,” Greg said. “We start trying to change the person. Once we focus on the other’s faults, we’ll find what we are looking for. Instead of a battle buddy we have a cellmate. When you can’t change the way you feel, change the way you think. Think for a better result. It is not a matter of ignoring problems, but ask a different question and change the energy.

“Principles build on each other. What’s the desired outcome? What do we both want? Discern where there is unity and focus forward. You both want peace, both want to feel loved and respected. When you are working together, there’s a great multiplier of momentum,” he added. “You can 10X your relationship.”

Leadership Training

As well as coaching couples themselves, the Gormans created a Marriage For a Purpose certification program that teaches champion couples how to coach effectively, instill hope and promote lasting change.

“The certification provides a systematic, replicate-able process for coaching that leads husbands and wives towards greater unity and a shared desired outcome,” according to the website. Champions start by becoming certified to use the SYMBIS assessment, so they feel comfortable gathering pertinent information about each couple. Coaches receive additional training on Married For a Purpose’s method of debriefing the SYMBIS assessment and learn a recommended framework for each coaching session using the five strategic questions intake form and purpose-focused quiz. They’ll also practice how to effectively lead a small group study and facilitate an intensive one-on-one encounter.

Resources

Sometimes marriage champions are not ready to become certified facilitators, but they want better resources for the couples in their churches.

“What do you do with the couple who seems stuck in the same recurring issue week after week? Pastors and leaders often share that they feel at a loss of how to help. Over time, stress grows when couples fail to act on the counsel provided and continuously return for more advice,” according to the website.

Married For a Purpose offers resources for small groups and a live weekend event where the Gormans will speak and train leadership in their hopeful, forward facing message. Their THRIVE in MARRIAGE Program can be accessed individually through the website or Right Now Media. Churches also can tailor the Discover Your Marriage Purpose video series sessions to fit a marriage conference or in a seven or 10-week format for small groups.

“Designed for today’s busy couple. This program offers 10 short, easy to follow videos and a participant guide to facilitate healing and greater connection in your marriage,” according to the website.

Content includes how to: Navigate financial conversations in a healthy way.

Devise a vision for your life and finances.

Fall in love again. Statistically, happy couples are more healthy, wealthy, and productive in their life and career.

Testimonial from a small group leader in Southern Florida:

“Greg and Julie’s studies have provided us with the perfect tools for our participants and our leaders. We love the way Greg and Julie help us focus on what we COULD agree about, instead of our problems. God supernaturally multiplied our investments to provide some miraculous results. Our groups consist of newlyweds to seasoned couples of over 30 years. All of our groups leave encouraged, challenged, and happy to grow closer as couples due to their studies. We HIGHLY recommend Greg and Julie as speakers and all of their small group curriculums!”

REBOOT Marriage Retreat

Couples wanting to level up their marriages or seek help in trouble can go deeper with a REBOOT Marriage Retreat. Unlike a marriage conference or group experience, REBOOT Marriage Retreat is a one-on-one experience with a facilitator couple who coach in their home. The private, two-day inclusive journey will help couples find their combined purpose and learn how to live it out. “With actionable goals and clear vision, you’ll be invigorated and energized. You’ll be equipped with ‘next steps’ and will begin creating the life you were designed to live,” according to the website description.

“The process moves you into further clarity and breakthroughs in each aspect of your Marriage (Personal, Marriage & Family, Career & Calling, Faith, Finances, Health, Lifestyle, and Community). The last half-day is spent crafting plans for each aspect and creating a framework to help you manage and renew your marriage in the future.”

Coaches help couples create a purpose statement for their marriage based on the evidence of their relationship, Greg added. “You’ll see what God has in mind when he combined the two of you and your strengths,” Julie agreed. Then they’ll provide tools to help protect the purpose and steps to move forward to manage and safeguard what matters most to build a lasting legacy. Along with the thousands of couples they’ve helped renew their marriages through coaching or electronic resources, The Gormans report a 99% success rate with the more than 200 couples who have completed a REBOOT retreat. Their mission is to elevate marriage and family in the culture and reduce the divorce rate by 40% in their lifetime.

As they write on their website, “Our most significant accomplishment of life resides in knowing we’ve broken generational curses and created a new legacy for our three children.” Marriage makes God known, brings God pleasure, and demonstrates God’s unconditional love. Marriage is Beautiful. Family is Forever.