Authentic Manhood | Dr. Robert Lewis Leads Men in Becoming Better

“Culture tells us real men make a lot of money and have it all together” — BetterMan.com. That description may seem like the guy version of the American Dream, but is that definition obtainable? Does that goal give a man purpose and the desire to bring his best self to his marriage, his family and his work?

That standard leaves a lot to be desired according to best-selling author, pastor and trailblazer in Christian men’s ministry Robert Lewis, who for 40 years has helped millions discover and pass on a biblically based, authentic and life enriching definition of what it means to be a man.

He’s written numerous books and Bible studies including the best-selling Raising a Modern Day Knight, Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage, Real Family Values and Building Teamwork in your Marriage. 

While he was serving as Teaching Pastor and Directional Leader at Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock, Robert created and filmed the original Men’s Fraternity Bible study series between 1995-2000. Men worldwide have benefitted from the Men’s Fraternity curriculum, which formed the foundation of his recent BetterMan ministry targeted to millennial men that launched in 2020.

Robert believes the cultural revolution of the 1960s, coupled with a dearth of present and engaged fathers, have left men unprepared for their role in society. “There’s a real hunger for guys to know how to define themselves in this socially upside-down world,” he said. He realized when the dad was absent from the family, men had a difficult time defining their manhood.

“How does a man become a man?” he asked. “The crisis we see in men always goes back to the dad they grew up with or without.” Robert points to research from the Barna Group that shows 42% of young men growing up today don’t have a dad at home. Another 30% have a father who brings a paycheck but doesn’t connect with them emotionally.

“There’s a direct correlation between the health, stability and well-being of a young man and his relationship with his dad while growing up. Manhood is transferred from a man to a younger man. It should occur through dad,” Robert said. “If not, the boy will go into young adulthood father-wounded and manhood lost. Inside, he’s just hollow and guessing at life. This creates problematic behavior and dysfunctional outcomes.

“If dad didn’t deposit any manhood assets into his life, a man is left guessing at how to build friendships, what it means to work, how to raise children, and interact with women. All those are blanks in his life. By the time he’s in his 30s or 40s, he’s struggling in marriage, not sure of his purpose in life, prone to drugs, alcohol or pornography,” Robert added. Society’s way to address these problems is through mental health centers, addiction treatment or prisons. The root cause is an absent dad problem, he states.

Robert found that if mentors can get to a young man early and teach him the whys of manhood and practical skills, they can change his trajectory.  He wrote the best-selling Raising a Modern Day Knight, in 2007, which helps fathers guide their sons, instilling wisdom and vision as they transition into manhood.

“Barna found boys (with a clear definition of manhood) are three to four times more likely to go into adulthood feeling confident, having wellbeing and eventually succeeding in marriages, jobs and parenting,” he said.

“If they lack this, they live hollow lives, guessing at life and making the next mistake.”

In 1990 Robert began leading 40 men in a fledgling manhood study, but by 1995 more than 1500 men were meeting every Wednesday morning. Robert partnered with Lifeway publishing to create videos and workbooks to take the resource all over the world in the 1990s and 2000s. By 2005 Men’s Fraternity had reached more than 2 million men in 30+ countries. By 2017, Robert realized the videos were beginning to look tired. Coincidentally, two supporters from Dallas, Barry Davis, and a young adult he mentored, Austin Adams, also desired to refresh the ministry that had meant so much to them. They realized they would need a new approach to appeal to millennials. They partnered with the Barna Group and found:

There is a crisis-level dad deficit in young men today. 

Men are growing their identities around shallow values.

Men are suffering from unprecedented loneliness.

There is a clear generational divide on social and sexual morals.

Robert began creating a new study to reach the 21st century audience. The team developed online resources and taped new videos with a more diverse group of speakers, including a Spanish version. The BetterMan Group Study launched in 2020. Because of the generosity of friends and donors, all the resources included in the 11-week program are free to the user.

“BetterMan is about activating a better masculinity – the true and timeless masculinity God designed from the beginning in Genesis,” from the website. Including pilot programs beginning in 2018, 65,000+ men, in 850+ churches in 46 states and 15+ countries have experienced the BetterMan Group Study. The course includes weekly video teachings delivered by speakers of different ages, unique backgrounds and teaching styles, group discussions that provide a clear definition of biblical masculinity and practical ways to make marriage, parenting, work-life, relationship with God – everything – better.

The website states: “Without a clear vision for manhood, you’re left to work through the misguidance of culture and learn mistakes through trial and error. Coasting through life is common, but you can be different. After your BetterMan Experience you’ll be able to:

Articulate what it means to be a man

Understand the challenges and opportunities manhood brings

Relate and connect better with your wife to be the husband she needs

Find greater purpose and success with your work

Spiritually connect deeper with God

Deal with your past so it doesn’t impact your future

The BetterMan program is simple to use and can be accessed in one of two ways – either through a small group of approximately eight men or in a larger group meeting held at a church or conference space.

For churches, many of whom provide few if any studies or resources for men, BetterMan is a ready-to-go, strategic evangelistic outreach that is free and simple to implement. Its unique features include appeal for all men – not just church attendees, it presents a specific, transferable definition of biblical manhood paired with practical application, and it mixes older and younger men together.

How does it work? Getting a BetterMan group started requires just three simple steps.

Create a login at Betterman.com and get free videos, leader guides and workbooks.

Gather a group of eight men. (Robert suggests two older men invite six younger to join them).

Start and meet for 11 weeks.

Another key benefit of the BetterMan study, it’s not just about learning information. Gathering in tables of eight to discuss the teaching connects men in relationships. A Barna study Robert referenced is that young men have a two to three times higher satisfaction rating in life if they have at least one older man they can relate to.

“Today with social media everybody’s a little lonelier, and young men in particular,” he said. “Young men under 40 are the loneliest they have ever been in our nation’s history. Many don’t have one close confidant. 50% of under 40 Christian men say they are lonely and overwhelmed in life.

“Many churches today fall short when it comes to bringing men together. More than half don’t even have a men’s group. We need to sound the alarm that churches need to get on the ball and bring men together, not just to go through a study, but to gather, share, and process life together.

“I’ve seen a lot of older men come alive when they see the impact they can have on younger men. That’s why I’m still doing what I’m doing.” He recounted a recent experience where a young man approached him in a restaurant and asked if he could shake his hand. He told Robert, “I’m the son of the guy you invested in 20 years ago when he was about to leave my mom. Thank you for changing my life though my dad.”

“That’s how you change the world – one good dad at a time,” Robert said.

When asked what a man can do to help his marriage and family, Robert pointed to the BetterMan Group Study.

“Women tell me all the time, part of the struggle they have with their husbands is that he’s confused. Guys say, ‘I should know this.’ I tell them that’s the wrong perspective. If no one taught you real manhood, you shouldn’t know it. It’s not your fault. But you can be smart and seek the help of other men to find out. With their help, you’ll find yourself empowered by their manhood wisdom. And when you live it out, you’ll get good results – guaranteed.”

What’s the definition of manhood?

Robert begins the BetterMan study with the Genesis creation story. “How did God set up the relationship between man, woman, kids and society?” he asked. When God first created man by himself, God was there to coach the man in life. He charged him with four responsibilities.

Courageously follow God’s word

Care for, love and protect God’s woman

Work the job God gave him 

Invest in the next generation through children

Robert notes if a man keeps these targets, he’ll live a life that is clear, stable and influential with few regrets. If not, he’ll live in a manhood fog and spend a lot of time cleaning up the messes he’s made. A real man follows God’s word, loves and protects God’s woman, excels at work for God’s glory and betters the world through his children, Robert said.

 “As a man goes, so goes everything else,” Robert added. “Right now, we know men are at the heart of society’s problems. But if we get the men right, everything else in our culture will be easier to get right.”