Family Legacy | Mid-Atlantic Non-Profit Promotes Proactive Plan to Strengthen Marriages

Family – the strength of families is foundational to a society’s flourishing. Family also ranks as paramount to marriage educator and non-profit head Amy Gilford. So much so she joined her parents, Bill and Anne McKenna, founders of the Marriage & Relationship Education Center (MREC), in their work to improve their Carroll County community by strengthening and supporting families.

As teachers, the McKennas saw firsthand the impact of divorce and unhealthy relationships on their students. After retirement, God put it on their hearts to help couples build strong marriages, the results of which would trickle down to their children, Amy said. They began the MREC from their living room in 2004 with the support of local pastors and community leaders. Eventually the organization grew to fill its current location in the Carroll Nonprofit Center. Amy describes the MREC as an upstream organization that aspires to build healthy families that foster hope, stability and have the skills they need to thrive.

Amy started working with MREC at its founding as the Communications Director. Her parents are still involved as board members since the board appointed her Executive Director in 2015. The non-profit is completely supported by private donors who believe in the value of its mission. MREC reaches students, couples and families, before, during and after marriage. Over the years, MREC leadership’s tweaked best-of-the-best marriage and family programs like PICK a Partner, Adventures in Marriage, Prepare/Enrich and Real Essentials to make them their own.

One tool MREC developed is the Family Vision Tree, a hands-on project that helps people reflect on the impact of their family of origin and uncover areas for change. MREC has found this exercise helpful with both teens, couples and families. A participant will think about past family qualities and how they might like to shape their family in the future. They’ll select three colored markers with which to draw leaves on a paper with a tree outline. One color identifies the things the person likes and wants to keep from their family of origin. The second color represents things they want to add for the family they want to build. The third, things to leave out. The result is a concrete depiction of the power of a person to create a positive future.

The Family Vision Tree reveals several lessons to those who participate in the exercise. It inspires people to intentionally identify what’s important to them. Then, it helps people realize they do have choices. Their future is in their control. The concept that you can’t choose your current family, but you can choose your future family passes on hopefulness, Amy said.

Another original activity MREC incorporates is a family of origin inventory to help people understand how their parents/caregivers did or didn’t model healthy relationship behavior. Once deficits or areas of desired improvement are identified, an MREC coach can suggest strategies to develop missing skills. If a problem is identified that is outside of the scope of the ministry, they know where to point people to other support services to meet their needs.

MREC provides personal coaching and small classes where they teach Adventures in Marriage, developed by Florida-based non-profit Live the Life. Currently, MREC incorporates 14 trained coaches to teach skills and classes to those who seek personal support.

“It’s helpful when we talk about these things together,” Amy said. “We share God’s love as we come alongside with actual skills and resources to teach them things like how to talk to each other, respect and appreciate each other. They may not have seen a healthy marriage modeled in a home. They might not quite know how to put feet to it. We help them figure out how to be successful on their journey.”

This spring MREC began offering the highly regarded curriculum to a group of military veterans. They plan to expand the class to first responders, the chaplain of the local prison and the sheriff’s office. Even Glenn Fueston, Executive Director of the Maryland Governor’s Office of Crime Prevention, Youth, & Victim Services has endorsed some of MREC’s programming.

  “We’re ramping up capacity,” Amy said. “There’s a tremendous opportunity for anyone to take advantage of our services.”

Hosting date nights is another way MREC interacts with their community and supports couples. The leadership team creatively plans events to appeal to different price ranges and populations. In the fall, MREC sponsored a “Smoking Hot Date Night” that provided a way for people to gather during COVID restrictions. MREC provided the bonfire, hotdogs and s’mores, music and lawn games. They’ve rented out a bowling alley for a Glo Bowl night and host a Roaring 20s Garden Party that has won an award for the past two years as a most popular community event in Carroll County.

“The point of doing the date night is to remind people how to dedicate time together on a regular basis,” Amy said. “Even if it is once a month. We’ll teach the vernacular, even using the term, date night, makes it a part of the culture.”

Each date night is planned to include the opportunity to learn one relationship skill. MREC presents helpful information for couples like Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages. “We’ll talk about listening, dialogue, articulating thankfulness,” Amy said. Another consistent theme often identified by the Family Vision Tree exercise is the desire for the family dinner hour. MREC encourages couples to make that a regular habit.

Family organizations note that teaching people skills to begin relationships on a firm foundation before they marry prevents much heartache and trauma. MREC teaches pre-marriage classes to couples, once again adding their own activities to the Prepare/Enrich curriculum.

“Preparing for marriage is so important, and it’s not on the cultural radar,” Amy said. “We are trying to create a culture where marriage is elevated and valued. The pre-marriage classes are often completed in MREC’s Couples Weekend format: seven hours of coaching and skills-building activities for couples about money, communication, conflict management, family vision, love languages, expectations, and boundaries. The event helps couples see and recognize where they need to make changes.

“We don’t just want to stuff their heads. We want to encourage behavior change,” Amy said. “That’s where we feel we’ve invested our time wisely and prepared them well.”

Most Couples Weekend attendees were referred by friends or family members who connect with MREC via its well-read newsletter. Amy loves the idea that many work together as ambassadors for the couple and the cause. “Everyone has ownership in that couple’s success,” she said. “We are seed planters and builders of hope and encouragement. We value our partners.”

MREC recognizes that ministry to singles also plays an important role in successful future family formation.

“The single population is the largest population there is right now,” Amy said. “More people are living together than getting married – and they are delaying marriage and divorcing.” Singles care also includes those whose spouses have died. MREC uses John Van Epp’s PICK a Partner curriculum based on his How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk book with both their singles and with their divorce care groups to help encourage wise choices as they consider a future partner.

And even further upstream, MREC has partnered with the local high schools for the past 10 years to teach healthy relationship skills to students in a very diverse culture. 

“We have great feedback. Teachers are lining up (to participate) every quarter.” MREC uses Real Essentials and Love Thinks curricula and measures their effectiveness.

“92% of our students have indicated our programs have given them helpful information to build a healthy relationship,” feedback Amy counts as very encouraging.

MREC’s future strategy is to continue to partner with area churches to provide more venues and training to support marriages. In reality, churches are finding one-third of their members won’t return after COVID, Amy said. Marriage ministry is an ideal outreach tool to evangelize the community and cultivate new membership.

“We’ve filled the marriage space with date night events. We have a strong, skills-based marriage enrichment program. Even its name, Adventures in Marriage, diffuses some of the stigma associated with attending marriage class and helps carry the vision into the community. There’s a strong correlation between the success of marriages and that of the church,” Amy said. “We have tools to help people get over the hiccups and bumps in the road.”

Amy noted she sees unspoken needs and unhealthy marriages – even in the church community. MREC desires to support pastors so they can spend less time counseling and working with troubled teens. “When marriages and homes are healthy and operating as God designed, they should model Christ’s love and be a beautiful thing. Families and churches will be stronger and thrive,” Amy said.

She encourages churches to start with something simple and fun. “Don’t start with broken marriages and try to heal them all! We have fun with children’s ministries and youth groups. We want couples to know it’s ok to have fun together, too.”

“Life has cycles,” she added. “Let’s put a safety net underneath everybody in the community. Crime will go down. Schools and the workplace will run more smoothly. This is a door the Lord says walk through now.”

Amy noted that MREC remains deeply rooted in their community. She relies on a local network of caring community partners, of which MREC is a part, which is trying to provide solutions and bring hope and joy.