The Value of One Good Marriage | Ryan and Mary-Rose Verret’s Witness to Love Connects Catholic Couples to Faith Community Through Mentorship

Why are so many marriages failing in the first five years? The current rate is approximately 25% according to statistics compiled by Georgetown University. Even among Catholics, who consider marriage a sacred Sacrament, the rate is only slightly lower at 23%. Another problem stemming from decreased marital fidelity is that only 10% of Catholic couples still attend church regularly after their wedding day.

Fifteen years ago Ryan and Mary-Rose Verret began working with engaged couples in their local parish outside of Layfette, Louisiana to develop a better way to prepare them for a lasting marriage and reconnect them to their church family. They knew that if a couple was part of a community that supported and loved them, they would not be as divorce-vulnerable.

The Verrets created the Witness to Love program in 2012. Engaged couples choose married mentors from their church to journey with them as they prepare for their married life together. People (couples in the case of those going through Witness to Love) are not expected to learn and internalize all the information they need to sustain a sacrificial and life-long marriage all at once or on their own. They are introduced slowly and within the context of relationship. “They need real people, real relationships,” Mary-Rose said. “They don’t just receive a Sacrament; they are received into a community.”

They based their work on a proven model used by the church to reinforce beliefs and reconnect people with their faith. The official name of this model is the Marriage Catechumenate, which translates to growing faith through relationships.

“The goal is to provide someone to help be a bridge into the faith community, and by extension into Christ and the church,” Ryan added. The Verrets found that a key was to allow the engaged couple to select their own mentors rather than being assigned to virtual strangers.

The Verrets are still moved by the stories they hear from couples and mentors. Mary-Rose spoke of a participant who grew up with a single mom and had no father figure. He was told by the mentor family, “You’re part of my family now.”  “When newlywed couples are in relationship with other couples, they are not going to feel like they are the only ones struggling,” she added. “This approach to forming and walking with couples before the wedding day and long after has been Witness to Love’s passion.”

The Marriage Catechumenate is now officially recognized and is recommended for couples receiving sacramental marriage by the Catholic Church. In a recent Synod of the family, it was noted by many to be the golden standard of renewal in marriage preparation. The internationally used program has spread to more than 90 dioceses and has been translated into three additional languages – French, Spanish, and Vietnamese.

In December 2023 Pope Francis appointed the Verrets as consultants to the Vatican’s Dicastery for the Laity, Family and Life, “highlighting their dedication and expertise in promoting and strengthening family bonds of marriage within the Catholic Church.

“The appointment involves an official consultancy role for the Verrets. They will collaborate with other experts and leaders from around the world to address contemporary challenges facing families, advocate for the sanctity of marriage, and promote the well-being of families within the Church and society,” the Vatican announced.

Ryan and Mary-Rose are the only North American married couple to be appointed to such a role. They also were invited by the Vatican to present at the 2022 World Meeting of Families in Rome and the 2021 International Forum: “Where do we stand with Amoris Laetitia?” on the impact of mentor couples in evangelization. The Verrets co-hosted the first Marriage Catechumenate Summit for North America in Houston in 2023.

What’s the value of one good marriage? 

“The witness of one good marriage touches countless lives, transforms parishes, and communities and is a shining beacon in a hurting world,” the couple wrote.

“The witness of marriage should also be an experience of discipleship,” Ryan said. They ask an engaged couple to find a couple they look up to, one that goes to church regularly and has been married for at least five years, to walk through Witness to Love with them. As they encounter the curriculum together, the mentor couple articulates why marriage is worth it, and the engaged couple sees how Christ elevates the relationship.

“The home and family have a rightful place as a missionary outpost of the church,” he added. “They can have an experience of God and see what it looks like to be in a Christian marriage — to be in a covenant, not a contract. Many people have grown up with parents who were divorced. They didn’t see sharing, compromise —you can’t learn that from a book.”

“This was a game changer,” he added. “Many Catholics in the U.S. were raised with a lot of rules. The relationship part had been left out. Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.”

Ryan said they noticed the divorce rate among engaged couples who completed Witness to Love dropping. And engaged couples were continuing to come to church after the wedding, which was the ultimate goal. “We want them to continue to live in the covenant of grace,” he said.

“The fruit we have seen has been tremendous,” Mary-Rose agreed.

Overwhelmingly, these engaged couples stay faithful,” said Father Michael Delcambre, Pastor, Sacred Heart of Jesus. “They just stick around….

I know it’s a direct offshoot of Witness to Love. It has been a joy to watch.”

Curriculum

“Witness to Love is a virtues-based, catechumenate model of marriage renewal and preparation that integrates modern principles of psychology and the virtues to help couples facilitate an authentic dialogue about their relationship,” according to the Vatican.

Ryan drew from his training in Theology, Clinical Psychology, and Medical Ethics to develop the curriculum with an accessible approach. He and Mary-Rose created a workbook that highlights human virtues and emphasizes character building. Mentor couples augment the material with their personal stories and interaction.

Couples sit down with their mentors and assess where they are in relational virtues like courage, patience, and hope, he explained. They’ll identify excesses or deprivations in these areas and discuss strategies to achieve balance. Ryan also sourced psychology’s attachment theory to introduce couples to ways anxiety or trust issues from family of origin may cause them to put up walls and hinder relational growth. Once identified, mentors can show them how to overcome those obstacles.

The foundation of a solid marriage involves the mind, body and soul. “If we are only providing programs for the intellectual needs, we’re leaving two-thirds of the person behind,” he said. “The more they can bond with their mentor couple, the more they will grow deeper in faith and chose the right things as they develop their character.”

 “As the church seeks to wrestle with this crisis of marriage and family life that we face, Witness to Love… is an authentic development in marriage preparation. Its solid Catholic content, its beautifully produced videos and materials and attention to some of psychology’s best insight make it a program worthy of exploration,” said Mike Phelan, Director of Marriage & Respect Life, Diocese of Phoenix.

Their Walk

Ryan and Mary-Rose met in 2007 at a young adults’ party held by a Catholic church in the Washington D.C. area where Ryan was pursuing a graduate degree in psychology. Ryan admits crises of the 1980s caused him to question the church, but he eventually returned through the Charismatic Catholic movement.

“There’s a moment in life I realized although I was raised to be a son of the church, more relevant was to be the son of God the Father,” Ryan said. “That was where he needed me most.” His parents have been married for 51 years, and perhaps because her parents divorced, Mary-Rose deeply appreciates an aspirational view of marriage and family, a belief that bonds them together.

As John Paul II said, the family today is the way of the church and the best model of what the church is. “We recognized the need to seek God the Father and let him shape us,” Ryan said.

The Verrets married in 2009 and are raising six children.

Civil Marriage Initiative

The Verrets’ Civil Marriage Initiative is designed for people who married outside of the church and desire to return, a need often realized once they begin having children. The four-month process tweaks Witness to Love for the couple who wants more of God in their marriage, taking a married couple from a civil contract to a Sacramental covenant. While the number of traditional marriages has been steadily declining since the 1970s, the convalidation number is rising, Ryan noted.

“Traditional ways of approaching faith or church are turning upside down,” he said. “We are communicating that we have a process of formation. They already have a good amount of life skills – they are just trying to make sense of what life means with regard to faith.”

The Civil Marriage Initiative curriculum is tailor-made for returning Millennials and Zoomers. They choose mentors and have the same relational experience as those going through the traditional Witness to Love program. Afterward, they can approach their pastor or deacon and have their marriage blessed and receive the Sacrament. “It appeals to their heart,” Ryan said.

The Verrets also are stewarding a Spanish-language advisory group. “Three out of five young people under 30 in the U.S. who are going to church have Latino or Hispanic ancestry,” Ryan said. “How are we serving generations of people so they know they can achieve marriage — reversing the trend that marriage is a capstone rather than a cornerstone?”

Whether engaged, newly married, civilly married, or Spanish-speaking, young couples need the supportive community with authentic relationships Witness to Love fosters. Our young couples are worth it!