It’s a privilege to metaphorically sit at the feet of seasoned marriage leaders and learn from their wisdom. Dr. Crawford and Karen Loritts are just such a couple. They’ve been married for 53 years, nurtured a legacy of four children and 11 grandchildren and written 10 books. Founder and President of Beyond Our Generation, Crawford’s been a featured speaker at the Super Bowl, NCAA Final Four Chapel, and is the host of two national radio programs, “Living a Legacy” and “Legacy Moment.” He spent 15 years as Senior Pastor of Fellowship Bible Church in Roswell, Georgia, and has served on the board of several organizations including Cru, FamilyLife, and Chick Fil A. In fact, Crawford and Karen were among the first couples along with Dennis and Barbara Rainey who grew FamilyLife into the beloved and world-renowned ministry it has become.

The Lorittses met and married in college when they were just barely in their 20s. While Crawford was blessed to have grown up with the example of his parents’ godly marriage, he didn’t have to look too far back in his family tree to find a story of brokenness. And Karen was raised in a single-parent home. The two were hungry for tools to help them start and keep their marriage on the right track, but found a dearth of material, Crawford said.

They joined the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ (now Cru) in 1978, eventually staying with the organization for 27 years. That same year, the Lorittses met the Raineys, with whom they share a fast friendship to this day. By 1982 Crawford and Karen were part of the speaker team for the organization’s Weekend to Remember retreats. They count that experience as “a tremendous blessing,” Crawford said, because “We had to get our act together, too!”

Now Crawford and Karen are known for mentoring others, but back then they were grateful for role models of pastors and co-workers who poured into their lives. Karen especially remembers several women from church who loved her and modeled godliness in her life.

“I knew they believed in me, invested in my life and that their prayers would carry me,” she said. She noted every woman should have an Elizabeth, a Martha and a Mary in their lives – an older woman who walks in godly wisdom, one in the same season who can help her finish well, and a younger woman to pass on the baton.

Likewise, every man should have a Jonathan, a peer who loves him unconditionally, a Joab, who will fight for him, and a Nathan to “tell you when you are stupid,” Crawford said with a laugh. He noted that he’ll look forward to seeing many of his mentors in heaven, including Dr. Douglas McCorkle, who “saw things in me I didn’t see in myself. He still counts on the “amazing wisdom” of his friend Charles Buffington.

An inspirational leader, Crawford tells the next generation, “Faithfulness is its own marketing strategy. Keep doing the next right thing, and before you know it, you will be able to look over your life and say, ‘Look at God!’”

He notes people tend to want to shirk responsibility.

“Maturity can be defined by owning your life and not blaming other people for your stuff,” he said. “When you are born, you look like your parents, but when you die, you look like your decisions.” If you are in your 30s and still mad about what happened to you, your reacting is causing you not to respond to God and be where you need to be. “There comes a point in time when you need to invite Jesus to let things from your past go and make a decision about how you are going to respond – take ownership of it.

“It’s hard, the culture likes to deflect things and cancel people – how’s that working for us? It doesn’t.” Crawford points to his mother, who never knew her father, but who “wasn’t bitter at anybody or anything.” When he questioned her about her peaceful, loving attitude, he remembers she said, “Son, I never want my children to pay for any mess that I started.”

“Boy did that teach me a lesson!” he said. “Don’t make your children unintentionally pay a bill they didn’t know they needed to pay.” Her wise answer has remained with him throughout his life.

“I still tear up because I see the grace of God,” he said. “Because of sin, my mother didn’t know who her father was. All of us have to acknowledge the dysfunction and pain in our lives. Don’t empower the dysfunction. It may explain you, but it doesn’t excuse you. No matter how horrible a background, the presence and hope of the Gospel is everything. Jesus can clean us up from the stain of sin all over ourselves. We can write a new legacy.”

Karen shared an example of breaking free from a dysfunctional past. She realized she was still dealing internally with bitterness and anger as her mother’s life drew to a close. Karen felt called to write a respectful and loving tribute to her, thanking her mother for giving her life. This freed Karen from the past that was weighing her down and not allowing her to enjoy her present and future. “I had to deal with that by allowing God to help me release my mom,” she said.

Another of Crawford’s points of wisdom, “You can’t build where you are not.”

“Do the next right thing in the moment.” He quoted Mark DeMoss’ aphorism, “finishing well means living well until you finish.” “You can’t procrastinate your transformation. All I have is right now. I can’t put off change if I’m going to impact the future. I don’t control the clock or the calendar. It’s arrogant to assume we are going to be around forever. Forgiveness is right now. Making things right is right now. Dealing with anger is right now. I can’t compromise and procrastinate. Every day is showing up and doing the right thing.”

Crawford noted his father modeled those principles for his family. He got up and went to work every morning. He paid bills, loved his family, disciplined his kids, took them to church and then hit repeat. “He benchmarked my life.”

Crawford tells leaders that all leadership is prophetic. “You have to be the portrait of the desired destination at which others need to arrive. In the words of Howard Hendricks, ‘If you want someone to bleed, you need to hemorrhage.’ What ought to drive me more than anything is that kind of integrity and wholeness. I know a number of gifted leaders who have crashed and burned. Your ambition should be that your character is always going to be greater than the platform you stand on.”

He offered an analogy from a home remodeling show he watches with Karen. Often the buyers will say they want a house with character – which he joked means “old as dirt,” or, as Karen put it, “you can see that a lot of life has been lived there.” Another real estate term – good bones —indicates that the house “can carry the weight of the life that’s been lived there,” which he applied to mean a life of integrity, stability and moral predictability. “What am I placing in the hands of the next generation that’s worth building a life on?” he asked.

In addition to inspiring others with their speaking, the Lorittses published a book, Your Marriage Today. . .And Tomorrow: Making Your Relationship Matter Now and for Generations to Come, in 2018 specifically for couples.

This book is the passion on our hearts, Crawford said. “Marriage is about mission – not just being happy in the moment or resolving conflict. Everybody is going to leave a legacy; we might as well be intentional about it.

“Unfortunately, these days, when we go to a wedding, we get so absorbed with the beautiful bride and the flowers and the groomsmen, we forget a marriage is taking place. We forget that marriage is a sacred, binding agreement,” he said. “It’s the last holdover to the ancient covenant ceremony. It’s a visible display of what the Gospel looks like that passes the image of God from one generation to the next. One reason marriages fall apart is because we have lost the holy ‘why.’

“I’ve seen couples get divorced over crazy, stupid, superficial stuff,” he added. “They’ve lost their sense of mission and vision. They are injecting embalming fluid into their future.

“Everything in life is about the glory of God,” he continued. “You are most joyful when you embrace sacrifice for the right thing. You show up, and you keep your vows. You say ‘no’ to yourself, and you say ‘no’ to temptation. You have kids looking at you, and they become not just what you say, but what you do. There’s joy in the journey.”

Crawford said he was surprised by his father’s answer when he asked what brought him the most joy in his life. His father said it was the privilege of working, meeting the needs of his family and putting a roof over their heads. “If you chase fulfillment and emotions, you will be unfulfilled. True freedom is a product of discipline. ‘No’ can be the most positive word in the English language. Restrict yourself to say ‘no’ to yourself, so you can say ‘yes’ to the right things and be someone worth following.”

Crawford and Karen also address conflict resolution and forgiveness. “You really do have to choose what offends you after a while. You have six silver bullets and 24 targets – you can’t shoot at everything. We’ve been married for 53 years. The stuff we used to be upset about we now consider a C- deal. If it’s a hindrance to oneness, you need to address that, or if you violate your integrity – that’s an essential. But be a good steward of your emotional energy. Proportion is your friend,” they advise.

Recently Crawford preached a message based on Psalm 90 that reminded the audience of the brevity of life. “There’s no such thing as time management,” he said. “The only thing you can manage is yourself in the amount of time you have.

“There’s also no such thing as balance. Everything changes, with different seasons and variables. What’s important in life? What are the things I’m bringing to my moment in history? We need to constantly communicate with the people who are important to us.”

Moses advised people to decide to live life wisely. “Apply wisdom to your life,” Crawford said. “You can Google knowledge, but you can’t Google wisdom. Wisdom involves embracing experience and practically applying your knowledge. Develop a wise heart.”

Next, live life contentedly. “Greet life from a sense of rest, not a frenetic pace,” Crawford said. “God’s taken care of you in the past, he’s going to take care of you now and in the future.”

Lastly, live life strategically. “I want to do what matters. I want my footprints to be permanent,” he said. “I ask God to help me to make the right choices and decisions – to establish the work of my hands. He wants us to live life with a sense of urgency. Yesterday is gone. All you have is right now. Rest in the Lord and be careful how you make choices and decisions.”

Karen spoke of the things they modeled with their own children, including them in their ministry by taking them on mission trips around the world and spending time with Cru staff. “We wanted them to see how God has this big opportunity to reach beyond cultures and ethnicities and see his plan and purpose for them.”

She also mentioned one of their fondest memories was attending Cru staff conferences with their kids, where they’d meet with 5,000 colleagues biannually to renew their friendships and hear what God was doing across the globe.

When their grandkids were toddlers and in elementary school, they would stay with Mimi and Papa for “camp.” As the flock has grown, the Lorittses take the teens to family camp with them. “It’s such a joy to watch them develop friendships and a deeper relationship with God,” Crawford said. Karen noted their oldest granddaughter recently wrote them a touching letter thanking them for the gift of camp.

Karen keeps a journal for each grandchild, writing a special letter each year on their birthdays. She just presented the oldest with his journal on his 22nd birthday. “I’ve been writing those pages for years – it’s really fun to do,” she said.

“Karen is amazing with our grandkids (six grandsons and five granddaughters who range in age from 23 to 7),” Crawford echoed. “I say, ‘I want to be our grandchild!’”

Likewise, when a grandson turns 13, Crawford gives them a Bible from which he has preached and a framed copy of the Loritts family crest during a ceremony where the men in their lives pray blessings over the teen.

“It is a powerful time,” Crawford said. “When I visit them later and see that Bible nearby, it does something to me. I’ve been all over the world — from Africa to Alaska,” he said. “All that pales in significance to hanging out in a coffee shop and watching them open their Bible.”

One of their greatest joys is when their family gets together for holidays. Christmas is hectic because both of their sons are pastors, which makes Thanksgiving especially meaningful. The “girls” — daughters and daughters-in-law — do most of the cooking and planning.

“It’s delightful chaos when we all get together!” Karen said.

The Lorittses are looking forward to the entire group of 20 going on a seven-day cruise at the end of 2024. It’s a splurge, but “They are getting older, and life gets complicated,” Crawford said. “At this stage, ‘One Day’ is ‘now.’”

Their last bit of advice — don’t make marriage and your life too complicated. “We’ve gotten too complex for our own good. It’s like the line in that old hymn, ‘Trust and Obey,’” Crawford said. Karen agreed, “Those old hymns have good theology.”