Up Close & Personal Interview

More videos featuring Steve & Susan Tucker

You might think the book, Simple Recipes For Romance, written by Steve and Susan Tucker would help married couples “spice up” intimate moments in the bedroom, and admittedly, that issue is addressed. But the founders of Eagle Family Ministries are quick to explain how communication and connection fan the flames of romance as much as physical intimacy.

“In so many marriages, spouses live in the same house, but they don’t really know each other,” Steve said. “Romance is knowing your spouse and doing little things throughout the course of your regular daily routine to show them they are special to you,” he added. “It doesn’t always mean kissy face and huggy body.”

Additional Resources by: Steve & Susan Tucker

Marriage Seminars

We can custom design seminars or retreats for married couples at your church! You choose the name for the marriage event and we will lead

Read More »

Marriage Survey

We like to stay up-to-date on current trends and issues in marriages and relationships. Any information that you share will be completely anonymous and confidential.

Read More »

Premarital Coaching

Eagle Family Ministries has a passion for working with pre-marital couples. Founder, Steve Tucker, believes that couples typically spend a lot of time and money

Read More »

Eagle Family Ministries | Steve and Susan Tucker Soar as They Coach, Inspire Couples to Connect

You might think the book, Simple Recipes For Romance, written by Steve and Susan Tucker would help married couples “spice up” intimate moments in the bedroom, and admittedly, that issue is addressed. But the founders of Eagle Family Ministries are quick to explain how communication and connection fan the flames of romance as much as physical intimacy.

“In so many marriages, spouses live in the same house, but they don’t really know each other,” Steve said. “Romance is knowing your spouse and doing little things throughout the course of your regular daily routine to show them they are special to you,” he added. “It doesn’t always mean kissy face and huggy body.”

“It can be as simple as making a conscious effort to show your spouse you value them”, Susan added. As she routinely rises well before dawn to exercise, she leaves a note for Steve on the corner of the kitchen island to say good morning, so he starts his day knowing she is thinking of him.

“Little things can connect you,” Steve said. “Even when you are older, you can still have fun. You don’t stop playing because you grow old. You grow old because you stopped playing.”

The Tuckers highlight three simple practices to improve connection.

  1. Be known – Make yourself vulnerable, let your spouse know the whole you – your dreams, fears, likes, dislikes. Don’t self-protect and make your spouse guess.

  2. Know your spouse – What makes him/her tick? Do you truly know the other’s preferences. Steve knows Susan finds a delivery of dirt for her flower boxes more romantic than an actual bouquet of flowers.

  3. Care about what you know – Do something with your knowledge – like order that dirt.

“If a couple can learn to do these three things consistently, you can almost put a bow on it. They’ll be connected,” Steve said.

He shares an example from their lives. While Steve has lived in the same community since birth, Susan moved with her military family 11 times. She learned to guard her emotions and hide weaknesses. When she was 52 (and the Tuckers had been married for decades), she told Steve she wanted to start a running regimen. She recounted a positive experience from elementary school where she had been able to participate in track. She let herself be vulnerable, and Steve, once he was aware of this new desire, whisked her off to the running store to purchase a pair of specialty shoes – a not insignificant expense, especially for one accustomed to a ministry budget.

Her enthusiasm has grown, and, at the age of 60, Susan qualified and ran the Boston Marathon! All along her 26-mile race routes, Steve pops up with signs of encouragement.

Now married 45 years, Steve and Susan met in college and began serving at First Baptist Church in Bentonville, Arkansas, the town near where Steve was born and raised. As a youth pastor Steve noted how kids were affected by the marriages and divorces in their families. The Tuckers had become friendly with Gary Smalley and his son-in-law Roger Gibson over the years, as the Smalley headquarters were not far away. After 12 years serving on pastoral staff, Steve answered God’s not-so-gentle nudge to leave church employment and create Eagle Family Ministries from the ground up – a leap of faith, as the couple left behind all salary and benefits.

(Steve and Susan remain on excellent terms with First Baptist and will celebrate their 40th year of membership in that congregation.) They selected the eagle as the mascot of their ministry as its habits reflect those a strong marital relationship should imitate. Eagles mate for life, they protect each other, never leave the other and both care for their young. The Tuckers also appreciate the way God’s strength and perseverance is exemplified by an eagle in Isaiah 41.

Even while Steve and Susan were serving at church, they had faithfully attended a marriage retreat every year to keep their relationship strong. They were able to draw from their experiences to create their own curriculum for the marriage conferences Eagle Family Ministries now leads all over the country. They are especially interested in equipping couples to use what they learn rather than just soaking in teaching.

“We want to capitalize on the time couples have set aside for a weekend retreat to teach them how to implement what they are learning, away from the craziness of managing work, the kids, and other responsibilities,” Steve said.

The Tuckers held their first conference at a bed and breakfast in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, a location to which they’ve returned often. While they enjoy leading conferences in churches, they particularly appreciate when couples can get away from the distractions of life and focus on their relationship in a more relaxed setting.

While they offer their Making Room for Romance marriage retreats several times a year (most recently adding a summer event in Alaska), Eagle Family Ministries delights in customizing a conference to meet a church or organization’s need. They also seek input to stay current on trending topics and identify issues they should address. Couples are invited to take a marriage survey on their website: www.eaglefamily.org. Finances, kids, sex and lack of connection have consistently been noted as top concerns. The Tuckers also express dismay that the vast majority of respondents report their churches have no programs for equipping and encouraging marriages.

“It is a huge need,” Steve said.

Conference topics often include the Top 10 Intimacy Needs in Marriage, communication and conflict. When they ask attendees if they have a plan how to handle conflict, more than 95% confess they do not, Steve reported.

The Tuckers teach couples a constructive way to let their spouse know they wish to bring up an area of concern called “Play Ball,” a concept they credit Roger Gibson with pioneering.

Instead of approaching their spouse with the dreaded words, “Honey, we need to talk,” they ask, “Do you want to play ball?” The other spouse can choose to decline the invitation at that time but can’t avoid it forever. Once they agree the timing is right, the one figuratively holding the ball begins sharing their issue and feelings. The talker needs to be brief and is not allowed to use the words, “always” or “never.” The listener must refrain from negative body language like rolling their eyes or sitting with arms folded.

Once the ball is passed to the listener, he/she must repeat back what they understand to be the speaker’s case. Sometimes what was said is not at all what the listener heard. The original speaker then takes the ball back and clarifies until the issue is correctly articulated by the other. Then the process reverses. This active listening exercise requires both parties to stay engaged and focused on the other’s feelings, rather than becoming defensive or formulating a mental rebuttal while the other is speaking.

Contrary to what you might expect, the goal of the exercise is NOT to find a solution to the problem. That comes later. The concept of Play Ball is simply to understand each other’s feelings.

Once the ball game has concluded, the “fix it” stage is called greenlight thinking. Each spouse will separately brainstorm solutions that might address the problem articulated. This step does not have to occur immediately. Sometimes one needs time to reflect and process. But, like the original request to play, greenlight thinking needs to be resumed at an agreed upon time.

As each shares their lists, they’ll agree to be fair and cooperate with each other. Both have the opportunity to veto an unworkable suggestion, then they discuss those that remain and agree on a solution.

The Tuckers use an example of how this can work from their own marriage. Susan and Steve don’t agree on the proper following distance between one’s car and the one in front. They worked through the Play Ball and greenlight thinking process to develop a plan that addressed the issue and allowed them to enjoy riding in the car together again. A gentle squeeze on the knee reminds the driver the passenger would feel more comfortable with a little more space on the highway.

The Tuckers also have coached married and pre-married couples for decades. Steve, a graduate of Southwest Baptist and John Brown Universities, is certified in Life Innovations, Prepare and Enrich and in Couples Communication I and II by Interpersonal Communication Programs. He’s a graduate of Rapport Leadership International and certified as a Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) facilitator. On top of her degrees in psychology and sociology from Southwest Baptist University, Susan is also a graduate of Rapport Leadership International.

They encourage couples to plan a regular date night, noting that the time they invest in their marriage now will pay dividends when the children leave home.

“A lot of couples don’t prepare for the empty nest, and it hits them hard when the kids leave. They don’t know each other,” Steve said. “We need to remember we are raising our kids to send them out,” Susan agreed. When they walked into their house after depositing their second and last son at college, it was quiet. Steve looked at Susan and said, “This is going to be awesome!” They didn’t have to get reacquainted because they had worked intentionally ahead of time.

Eagle Family Ministries offer creative date night ideas on the website. One recent post encouraged couples to attend a cooking class together — either virtually from home or in person. Other rules for date night: Don’t have your phone out, and no talking about kids (including grands), work or money. On their dates the Tuckers like to reminisce about fun times in the past and dream about the future. Leading conferences in Alaska is just one example of a long-held dream that has now come to fruition.

“Doing ministry work in Alaska had been a dream of ours almost our entire marriage,” Susan said. “It is pretty exciting to see how God orchestrated everything.”

An overview of the work of Eagle Family Ministries would be incomplete without mentioning the Wilmot Mission, which they established in 2000 to serve the impoverished Mississippi Delta region of Southeastern Arkansas.

The mainly minority community has struggled under the weight of poverty, lack of employment and racial division. While people initially mistrusted the Tuckers’ intentions, their history of service (now almost a quarter century) has won devotion. Steve and Susan have faithfully made the 6.5-hour drive hundreds of times over the years to personally oversee distributions and events.

Eagle Family Ministries provides a semi-truck load of food and hygiene items on a regular basis that supports approximately 400 families. In the summer, Eagle Family Ministries hosts sports and Bible camps and sponsors a fish fry. Every child grade K-12 receives school supplies and access to clothing. In December, Steve leads a service, brings personal gifts for children through elementary school age and offers a community Christmas dinner. College prep boot camps help teens improve test scores so they can achieve scholarships and grants for higher education.

“We want this mission to impact generations,” Susan said. “Kids who were babies when we first arrived are now graduating college.” The Wilmot Mission has changed the trajectory of many lives. Several boys have gone into the marines, one was adopted, and the Tuckers know a young woman graduating from nursing school. “Before, people felt like they weren’t capable of succeeding. Now their vision has been expanded,” Susan added.

Providing tools and personal encouragement to help others soar – whether couples or impoverished families — the Tuckers and Eagle Family Ministries exemplify the words of Jesus to, “Love thy neighbor.”

Written by Amy Morgan

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