The Spencers looked back at the lessons God taught them during their dark season and decided to write practical content in language that would resonate with a military family. They published Valor and Vows: A Tactical Guide to a Mission-Ready Marriage, a curriculum tailored specifically to the needs of military families, in 2025.
“In the military, every mission is guided by the commander’s orders. The same is true in marriage. God has given us ‘orders’ through His principles, outlining how spouses are to honor and love one another. These guidelines create stability, resilience, and a sense of purpose in our marriages, just as they do in military life,” they wrote in the forward.
“It’s amazing how much military imagery is woven into scripture,” Kristina added. Every one of the 16 chapters incorporates a biblical story or scripture intertwined with the military component. What does honoring your husband look like? It’s very similar to Chain of Command. What is sacrificial love? The military calls that Cover My Six. “God gave us scripture to match up with military terms,” Kristina said. Other chapters include titles like Oath of Office, Comms are Essential and Top Cover and include questions for study or small group discussion and prayers Kristina and Matt used during their season of reconciliation.
From the chapter titled Top Cover:
“In military combat, the concept of ‘cover’ refers to anything which is capable of physically protecting an individual from enemy fire. To provide ‘top cover’ is to use aircraft to provide aerial protection for ground forces against enemy attack.
The quality and success of the team are measured by a leader’s ability to provide full cover.
In Ephesians 5: Husbands are called to be the top cover for their marriages, just as Christ is for His Church… This is the most significant call to leadership and an incredible privilege for Husbands… From there, we can adequately cast that vision to our wives, and then, as a team, we can execute that vision for our family…
It was not easy at first. You don’t always get ahead right away by providing top cover whether on the job or as the head of your home. … I had to be consistent in my actions for trust to be built and vice versa. Together, as a team, we continued to pull along, and with Jesus, as the true head of our marriage and home, we began to see a great change in all areas of our relationship.”
Valor and Vows ministry launched along with the book in January 2025. Since then, they’ve sent 19,000 copies of the book to personnel in all branches of service stationed across the world at no cost.
“The Lord made a way for donors to purchase copies for chapels and individual couples,” Matt said. Sailors are using it as a devotion while they are deployed. There’s a resiliency center in Germany using it as a small group study. Deployments are coming faster, and Operation Epic Fury is opening opportunities, they report. In April 2026 the Spencers received a request for 10,000 more copies they are working to fulfill.
They note couples actively benefit when they work through Valor and Vows together to create a home that is aligned with God at the center. “The fruit has been that they have tools to get in front of a lot of the issues,” Matt said. Life situations won’t sneak up on you if you get ahead of them when they are smaller, which can be difficult in the military.”
The Spencers also offer no cost counseling sessions, conferences, and retreats through Valor and Vows for service members and their spouses, filling a crucial need. Matt runs point for servicemen but relies on Kristina to minister directly to female personnel and military wives.
Matt shares the value of faith and the importance of putting God first in life. He reminds men to create time to connect with their family and prioritize their marriage before work, because “one day we’ll lay the uniform down.”
“It’s not the big things that destroy the vine,” Kristina added, “Expectations need to be put away. The Lord showed me how little moments of intentionality can bring significant emotional connection. Enjoy the quality time you are able to have together – even if it’s just 10 minutes. Remember that you are better together.”
They encourage spouses to understand they signed up for the mission together and need to be on the same page. Keep communications open to make the mission strong at home. “When you have two spouses who feel seen, heard and valued, when there is clarity in the direction their marriage and family are going, that is where we have seen the healthiest marriages,” Matt said. “They’re not perfect. They have their levels of stress, but when you can look at your spouse in that moment of stress and say, ‘I see you, and we are on the same team’ you’re leaps and bounds toward keeping your marriage and home healthy.” They also remind military spouses to build community because “that’s where you are going to find the tactical and practical tools to help you when seasons are challenging.” Kristina’s watchword to wives, “Blessed are the flexible.”
They both are certified in XO’s marriage intensive platform and can coach couples either in person or through Zoom. They’ve found dedicating at least two hours to a session to be transformative to couples in triage.
