Don’t Date a BooBoo Dude | Young Author, Speaker Ainsley Britain Helps Gen Z Navigate Relationships

It’s rare to find such sage advice from someone so young. Yet the message of 32-year-old speaker and author Ainsley Britain aligns with that of relationship leaders twice her age – albeit translated into modern vernacular that appeals to her audience of teens and young adults.

Ainsley’s overall theme is to help people (mainly young women) find their identity in Christ so they can walk confidently forward in the purpose for which God created them. Although she writes blogs and hosts podcasts – found on her website https://www.ainsleybritain.com/ –  Ainsley’s best known for her 2022 book, Don’t Date a BooBoo Dude: Raise Your Standards, Realize Your Worth, and Remove Shame from the Dating Game.

Ainsley’s journey began with dual God-given passions: writing and mentoring younger women. Even as a teen Ainsley loved to pour out her thoughts on paper, journaling and posting blogs on Instagram, a collection of which she self-published as a devotion aimed for the teen audience. Hearts & Rockets: Loving Hard and Shooting for the Stars a Devotional for Teens & Young Adults Because Growing up Is Hard and God Is Good released in 2016. She attended Lysa TerKeurst’s SheSpeaks conference in 2019, which proved to be a turning point in Ainsley’s career. At that conference Ainsley met like minded peers – other women with whom she could talk and build relationships.

“I remember feeling so affirmed that I was on the right track,” Ainsley said. “What was missing from my work was relationships. It was so hard to find someone with whom I could communicate.” Ainsley connected with Susan McPherson who went on to join David C. Cook publishing house. The two kept in touch, leading to Ainsley being invited to write a book for them. When the pandemic froze all contracts, Ainsley published a blog on dating that caught the publisher’s eye, content that eventually developed into Don’t Date a BooBoo Dude.

Ainsley found inspiration for the book from her own toxic experience in college dating a “BooBoo Dude” – a term she uses to describe a guy who does not have his girlfriend’s best interests at heart.

“My family made up the word ‘booboo’ to mean bad,” Ainsley explained. “I use it to describe a ‘bad’ guy, one who leaves you on read, wondering where you stand. Someone who wants husband privileges with a boyfriend title. It covers a range of things from lack of communication all the way to an abusive relationship.”

Ainsley said her lighthearted tone and whimsical language helps break down barriers with young women and allows them to open up about serious topics – lessons she learned practically when she served as a youth leader at Sugar Creek Baptist Church in Houston for more than a year. “I’d say, ‘You know that is booboo,’ and the girls are so much more receptive to hearing what I had to tell them.” Wisdom such as, “You don’t need to share your locations with your boyfriend. He isn’t entitled to all that information. They click into the phrasing and language. It’s a light way to have a heavy conversation.”

Ainsley said she’s walked many high school girls through abusive relationships, a topic she addresses in the book’s chapter three, which also covers semi-sexual assault. “These things happen a lot earlier in life than we want to admit,” she said. While Ainsley found great fulfillment during her time in Houston working with youth, God moved her and her husband of seven years to Louisiana where Ainsley has been able to focus on starting a family (their daughter is now a toddler), developing her Enneagram coaching practice and publishing Don’t Date a BooBoo Dude.

The book encompasses dating lessons Ainsley “wishes I would have learned sooner,” she said, one of the most important, to stop putting her worth in the hands of the unworthy. “I was putting so much of myself, my faith and my trust in these guys who were not equipped to carry that and were letting me fall. Not only were they not mature enough, no human should ever carry that burden. The only hands that are worthy are the Lord’s.”

 She explains the purpose of dating: To have fun getting to know someone while evaluating compatibility in various areas, all while seeking the Lord to see if this person is His best for you.  She describes what it means to identify red flags as well as the green flags — what women should be looking for moving toward — and develops concepts that are helpful to remember in any circumstance.

“A lot of young adults are devalued and taken advantage of,” Ainsley said. “I want them to be empowered to use their voice in every situation – to know what is ok or not.”

She uses the acronym GREAT to describe the concept of consent.

G – given by both parties

R – reversible

E – enthusiastic

A – ask before going further

T – trust

Ainsley wishes her book would be required pre-marital reading, “not because I think I am so wise, but because I’m still answering these questions with the young adults I coach,” she said. “A college girl was in my house the other day, and I told her, ‘You are literally telling me chapter six. You should read it.’ People say the first year of marriage is the hardest. My first year was not the hardest, because I knew my husband did not hold my identity. We were two whole people entering into a partnership.” Ainsley emphasizes that marriage is not the be all and end all. Singles should not feel hopeless. “Your relationship status does not define your worth.”

Although the book is geared toward women, if a guy were brave enough to read it, he’d be able to understand women on a whole new level, Ainsley said. She also taped a video for guys explaining how not to be a “BooBoo Dude” that’s available on her website, along with other resources including a free quiz to help someone decide if they are dating a BooBoo Dude, a Wild Confidence Podcast, and Field Guides of lessons she’s learned about faith and lifestyle.

Along her journey of self-discovery and finding her worth in Christ, Ainsley found great value in a tool called the Enneagram.

“A friend mentioned the Enneagram when I was healing from the abusive relationship,” she said. “It gave me closure and really helped explain how the Lord made me. I was at the lowest point in life and questioning God’s plan for me, then the Enneagram helped me realize God’s purpose for me and understand and like how He made me. I realized it was the intimacy with the Lord I was missing all along. I was able to feel really loved and understood by God.

“When I took time to understand myself through God’s eyes, I was able to raise my standards in the dating world. That’s when I was able to compile all my thoughts and posts and put them in one place.”  – stories that became the foundation of Don’t Date a BooBoo Dude. “This is really an identity book disguised as a dating book,” Ainsley added.

When in Houston, church leadership encouraged her to pursue her interest in the Enneagram and become a certified coach. Ainsley chose to train under Beth and Jeff McCord, best-selling authors and founders of Your Enneagram Coach, because of their emphasis on incorporating the Enneagram into a Christ-centered coaching model. “The McCords do a really good job of pointing you to the Lord and putting the Enneagram in its proper place,” she said.

Now Ainsley spends much of her time following the McCords’ footsteps serving individuals, families and even companies as an Enneagram coach. Her new book, The Enneagram for Teens: A Complete Guide to Self-Discovery and Spiritual Growth, will be released in summer, 2024.

Ainsley helps teens find their type to learn more about themselves and the Lord. She presents the Enneagram as an extremely helpful tool, but one that does not take the place of relationship with Christ. “Using the Enneagram is kind of like having open heart surgery,” she said, “but you need the great physician to sew you up and heal you.” She hopes the book will help teens “get what I got. A renewed sense of self and an appreciation for who God made me to be.

“Helping teens own their own faith in a way that is practical and real. If I can teach them that, that was what the Lord had for me all along.”