They’re an ordinary couple leading ordinary lives – work, church, friends. But Tara and Alex Payne also are following an extraordinary call from God to inspire others to “be the generation that ends divorce.” The two encourage couples on their marriage journey through their online ministry, A Beautiful Adventure Marriage, where they “shine a positive light on marriage through Biblical truths and practical resources.”

Alex and Tara got engaged fourteen years ago after dating only six months. Although they didn’t know what they didn’t know, the couple did have a strong foundation in their shared love of Christ. Their journey started in the Holy Land when they met at the pool of Bethesda in Jerusalem – the very spot where Jesus performed a healing miracle more than 2000 years ago. The Alabama churches Alex and Tara were attending had teamed up to offer a trip to Israel. Despite their living only 30 miles from each other for most of their lives, the Lord took them halfway around the world to meet.

Slightly alarmed by the speed of their courtship, their pastor and mentors drew tightly around them to help the couple start their marriage on sure footing. Alex’s favorite caution was, “I know I can’t stop you, but I know I can help you.” Alex and Tara drank in their wisdom, advice and best practices. Neither had grown up in a home where they saw a happy marriage. Alex’s parents had divorced, and Tara’s father passed away when she was just 12. However, Alex was inspired by the 74+ year marriage of his grandparents. The Paynes vowed their marriage would not just survive but thrive. They designated the thought and word “divorce” to be completely off the table – a practice they recommend to others.

“Since divorce is not an option – we can be happy being married, or we can hate each other for the rest of our lives. I choose happiness!” Tara said. “Our mentors helped us bypass things. We have avoided so many potential arguments and pitfalls because we listened to wisdom.”

Their pastor strongly advised them to take Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace class to course-correct from some poor financial decisions in the past. Learning how to discuss their finances and navigate saving and spending together has spared Alex and Tara much conflict. The two very rarely argue about money, they report. And an unexpected expense, like when their refrigerator died, did not faze them. They had money saved to buy a replacement that fit their budget– without drama.

Another nugget of wisdom from a mentor helped Alex reframe his expectations of Tara. “Andy helped me understand that she was not wired the same as me and doesn’t communicate the same way,” Alex said. “We are made different by our creator, and we can’t expect the other to be a copy of us.”

Sometimes it wasn’t what their mentors said, but how they did life that inspired Tara and Alex. “We’d see how they handled each other, and we’d want to incorporate those things into our lives,” Tara said. They credit their mentors with transparency that inspired their own. “When we’ve gotten things wrong, we reverse-engineer our arguments to learn how we got there and how we got out of it. We try to be really honest about the victories and where we messed up,” Alex said.

After a few years friends and acquaintances started noticing that Tara and Alex’s marriage looked different than that of many other couples. They started asking them for their secrets. Alex treasures the comment, “I love your love – how do I get it?”  “We have a Christ-centered marriage, and we are doing the absolute best with what we have,” Tara responded.

“We both love being married – it’s the greatest adventure ever! I get to hang out with my best friend every day. We realized this was not what the majority felt and wondered how to share it.”

They opened social media accounts and started a blog. Alex bought a $25 camera at Walmart so they could start sharing Biblical truth about marriage and the practical resources that helped them.

Creating a delete list of words that aren’t constructive (like stupid and ridiculous) is one of the suggestions they offer in their blogs and podcasts found at https://abeautifuladventuremarriage.com/.

Alex’s favorite blog shares a life lesson he learned as a teenager: Don’t break the unbreakable. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Alex illustrates the lesson with a story about how as a teenager he was fascinated with the idea of breaking one of his mother’s “unbreakable” Chinette plates. When she was ready to get rid of the dish, she allowed him to try. After some effort, Alex was able to make the piece shatter. Ten years later, he found a shard from the plate hiding under the stove.

“You know the things that can set your spouse off or shut them down so you can ‘win’ the argument,” he said. “But treat that which is fragile with kindness and respect. Even after the argument is over or you’ve moved on from the moment, you can be years into it and still find a fragment you didn’t realize was there. You never realize how something broken might be hiding somewhere that can affect your relationship,” he said.

Other blog titles include Constructive Ways to Communicate, 12 Things to Avoid in Marriage, 5 Ways to Reconstruct a Marriage, Resolving Circular Arguments and Setting Boundaries in Marriage.

The couple suggest practical ideas that will fit into people’s lives. They often consider their friends who are navigating raising twin teen boys as well as young triplets. “They are our standard for ‘having a lot going on,’” Tara joked. For example, while they strongly encourage couples to date their spouses, they realize the “fancy ideas” of taking a road trip (or skydiving in the Grand Canyon, which Alex did for his 30th birthday) may not work for everybody. A couple could wake 30 minutes early and drink coffee together on the front porch. Or if that’s not feasible, maybe they have a 10-minute phone date in the middle of the day while the kids are napping. “We try to break things down to the smallest pieces to make them work for people who are in different places,” Tara said.

Alex and Tara’s love of travel wove its way into the book, A Beautiful Adventure Marriage, they published in 2020. Set up like a travel guide, they portray life as a journey with the destination of “Til death do us part.”

“Here’s the good news, we don’t have to go on this adventure alone! We have not been left to figure this out on our own! God has given us His Word as the ultimate road map to a happy marriage. He has also put people in our path to guide us along the way, which makes this adventure even more beautiful,” from the book.

A Beautiful Adventure Marriage advises couples to empty their bags of anything holding them back and fill them with items that will get them farther down the road together.

“What would you pack if you want to get somewhere happily?” Tara asked. “What would you check on your vehicle before you leave?” Alex added. They equate compromise, faithfulness, forgiveness and endurance with elements of a journey to help people visualize and remember the concepts.

They emphasize the importance of communication. “If you drive to the mountains and your wife is packed for the beach, you’re not going to have a good trip,” Alex said. And while the husband is the driver and lead, the wife is the navigator. Both roles are important.

Tara discusses the theme of submission in a chapter addressed to wives. Being raised by a single mother after her father’s death, Tara developed a “skewed view of what submission was,” to a point she distrusted Alex’s intentions. After a few months she realized she didn’t need to continue to self-protect. Alex wasn’t domineering, he wasn’t mean. He led their household in a biblical way.

“I learned submission was a beautiful thing God had created. We are the strong helper that a man needs as his support. It is not hard to follow a godly man who is genuinely seeking the father. It is a privilege not a heavy burden,” Tara said. 

Alex remembers his grandfather loving and caring for his grandmother for decades – he continued to refer to her as his bride until the day he died. He prayed for her, provided for her and protected her.

“I need to love my wife just like Christ loved the church. I am supposed to be a servant leader, not an oppressive force in our marriage. We need to fight against the really bad images people have painted.”

Other resources Tara and Alex have developed are online Bible reading plans, devotions and prayer guides. In March 2024 they added a Greater than 11 prayer challenge to inspire couples to not only pray, but to pray together – daily.

“Prayer can divorce-proof your marriage,” Tara said. “If you pray daily with your spouse the divorce rate drops significantly. But we found a study that said only 11% of Christian couples do. Let’s get that number up! If you are a Christian couple, you should be praying with your spouse.”

They posted short video prayers every day that month to help couples pray, hoping the practice would develop into a habit.

They both concede that praying together can seem awkward at first but encourage people to continue. “I get it – it was a little weird,” Tara said. “You have to work at it,” Alex agreed. Once again, they understand praying in the morning before work doesn’t fit everyone’s schedule. “Maybe it’s a phone call at lunch or holding hands to pray before a meal. Find a way for 2 minutes a day!”

Their hope is the next time someone conducts a study, the number of Christian couples praying together will be greater than 11%. “Just keep doing it,” Tara added. “We know the power of prayer. If we invite God into our marriage, he is going to come in with his power and his faithfulness.

“Marriage is God’s idea, and it’s a good idea,” she continued. “It can be a beautiful adventure. Invite him in, and you’ll get there.”