As a marriage champion you may have heard that couples who complete a pre-martial counseling course can reduce their likelihood of divorce by 30%, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. While you might not have been able to quote the exact statistic, common sense would agree that brushing up on communication, conflict resolution, and financial skills, ideally guided by a leader or mentor, will help a couple lay a firm foundation upon which they can stand when life’s inevitable trials come. 

Colby and Amanda Taylor, founders of The Engaged Life, are firm believers in the power of pre-marital preparation. Amanda began working as a wedding planner at the campus chapel while she was still attending college. By the time the Taylors were married themselves, she had already assisted with more than 500 weddings. Amanda enjoyed not only helping finalize the myriad preparations but sharing biblical wisdom with the engaged couples with whom she interacted.

Colby was working with Young Life as a college leader. The couple had welcomed three young children in their first seven years of marriage, with another on the way.

Then life threw them a curveball. The delivery of their fourth child did not go as planned. Their son arrived two months early and remained in the NICU for weeks. The circumstances of his traumatic birth launched Amanda’s body into an episode of postpartum psychosis. To say her symptoms were severe is an understatement – later the Taylors were told by physicians they hadn’t seen a case like Amanda’s in 20 years.

They describe their journey in their book, From Playgrounds to Psych Wards, which focuses on God’s faithfulness not only to them, but anyone experiencing a trial. The forward begins with,

“What difficulty have you been facing? I bet you have one because … we all do. In life, we often encounter unexpected turns and face challenges that shake the very foundation of our existence. It’s during these moments of profound darkness that God’s grace, power, and goodness become real to us in ways we never could have imagined.”

They also share a 13-minute video on their website, theengagedlife.co, that transparently depicts the details, as well as their response to each other and to God. Their Instagram handle, @from_playgrounds_to_psychwards, gives a clue to what happened.

“In the blink of an eye, life can take an unexpected turn.

“One moment you’re a loving mother of four, cherishing the simple joys of the playground, and the next, you find yourself confined to a 12×12 room in a psychiatric hospital. How does one bridge the gap between the mundane and the unimaginable? How does a perfectly healthy pregnancy spiral into a journey through the depths of the human psyche?

“In From Playgrounds to Psych Wards, Amanda Taylor takes you on an extraordinary odyssey through the corridors of her mind, from health through a sudden descent into the abyss of psychosis. Her husband, Colby, also shares his unique perspective and experience, revealing a layered and complex storyline. With raw honesty, they recount the traumatic delivery that forever altered the trajectory of their life. It’s a story of lightning-fast transitions, from the playground to the psych ward, from joy to misery.”

Postpartum psychosis caused Amanda to become manic and violent and required her hospitalization. She was able to return home when mania devolved into depression, but the disease left her unable to care for herself, Colby, or their four very young children.

“Our marriage was strained to say the least,” Colby said. “It was a challenge to figure out how to communicate, how to care for her, how to love her. We were in survival mode.”

“There are not words to describe what he did the year I was sick,” Amanda added. “Every part of our marriage was tested.”

They spent 18 months feeling like they were trapped down a dark hallway until Amanda regained her health. She was committed to doing the work of healing her body and brain — seeing counselors, finding medicine, and acknowledging spiritual warfare.

She encourages others not to sit on the sidelines. They credit their mentors and strong community as crucial in navigating that tough season and ability to overcome the stigma that still surrounds a diagnosis of mental illness.

“It was a long, messy, horrible time of losing everything,” Amanda said. “Nobody wants to go through these hard things, we want to get to the other side.”

“It is not something to be embarrassed about,” Colby said. “It’s a biochemical change in the brain. You can’t push through that.” “Nobody bats an eye when you have a broken leg,” Amanda added.

They encourage others to not feel like they have to act “like they have it all together. Open up and be real and ask for help,” Colby said. “You are choosing your family. You are choosing your marriage.”

When Amanda’s health turned the corner, they realized they needed to seek professional counseling to repair emotional damage their marriage had sustained. One thing that kept them together even through the worst times was their habit of consistent weekly dates.

“Colby never gave up on me,” Amanda wrote in the book. “He never gave up on our marriage. He never gave up on our weekly date nights, even when we were a disaster. He always asked me out again.

“The realization that he had continued to pursue me, week after difficult week, hit me powerfully. It reminded me that even in the worst moments, there had always been love.”

Despite the hardships of 2013, Colby and Amanda believe God allowed them to walk through the dark places so they can inspire others.

They wrote From Playgrounds to Psych Wards because they couldn’t find similar stories to give them hope. Amanda also has written the YouVersion Bible Plan “Hope for the Postpartum Mom.” (Colby, a YouVersion plan about leadership for men, as well as co-hosting an Awesome Marriage leadership podcast with Dr. Kim Kimberling.)

After Amanda’s illness, Colby transitioned from Young Life staff to a pastoral position at Oklahoma City’s Life.Church. Amanda was able to resume her Embellished Weddings business and a few years later the couple welcomed two more little boys to their family. The Taylors took a leap of faith — trusting God that Amanda’s subsequent pregnancies would be healthy for both mom and baby — and they were.

“God is bigger than our fear,” Colby said. “He shows up every time, no matter what.”

Their desire to help couples more specifically led to their taking another leap of faith. Colby left employment at Life.Church in 2019 to start The Engaged Life with Amanda.

They chose the name The Engaged Life to represent not only their dedication to inspire and resource engaged couples but also to help couples remain “engaged” with each other throughout their marriage. They define “the engaged life” as being intentional and present in marriage and family, an aspiration they knew not to take for granted. “Couples aren’t learning about marriage and what to do to build a strong foundation,” Colby said. “Their sources don’t come from a biblical viewpoint. We know a few things that will help them engage.”

Colby performs weddings and is certified in the SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) pre-marital assessment. The evidence-based program has been shown to improve relationship skills and satisfaction.

One session addresses sexual intimacy. Colby’s found a positive way to challenge couples who are living together to refrain until after their wedding. He asks them if they are being obedient to what God says and casts vision.  “I believe your relationship can be so much better.” He asks them to think about it and thanks them for listening, then moves the conversation along. “I challenge them to something higher without judgement,” he said. “God wants the best for you, but there’s grace.”

The Engaged Life resources – both in-person engaged events and an online engaged course – help couples discuss topics and answer questions they might not think about. Engaged events cover past relationships, finances, what couples saw from their parents’ marriage. “Is there something better than the way they are living?” Colby asks. “They think love conquers all, and it doesn’t.”

The website invites couples to the Engaged Event with:

“You can enter marriage feeling prepared and equipped.

You are in the right place if you have ever thought:

I have never seen a successful marriage. My parents are divorced.

I feel clueless when entering into marriage.

We are struggling with resolving conflict and need help.

We are not on the same page when it comes to finances and need guidance.

We are raised so different, can we have a successful marriage?

I want to be intentional with this season,

but not sure how.”

The Taylors also are revising an Engaged Life online event that includes sessions presented by respected marriage leaders like Beth McCord and Scott Kedersha in addition to Colby and Amanda. The Engaged Life continues after the wedding. Couples can sign up for a weekly marriage encouraging email. A seven-week marriage challenge on the website includes connection ideas like a game night, restaurant road trip or workout date, along with devotions that encourage couples to believe the best about each other, pray together and keep leaning in. Entries remind couples to seek wisdom in scripture and suggest YouVersion Bible reading plans.

“Being comfortable can lead to complacency,” Colby explained. “We ask people if they are growing, putting God first and building their foundation.”

A Begin Again retreat held in January helps married couples start their new year on the right foot. The Taylors also lead an in-person Replenish Retreat. They share their story and show others what it looks like to walk through challenges together.

“’For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.’ Those weren’t just words we said in front of a chapel full of people. They were vows for the rest of our lives. … I reminded myself that marrying Amanda was a blessing far beyond what I deserved. She was worth fighting for. We were worth fighting for. Even if I was the only one trying to save it,” Colby wrote.

“Going through the hard things makes a marriage better,” Colby said. “If you ask us if we would change what happened, we’d say, ‘no,’ because it has made us better.”