Between Two Trees | Curt and Rhonda Hamner Help Couples Display God’s Glory Through their Bed and Breakfast Marriage Ministry

The vision for the flourishing marriage coaching and counseling ministry founded by Curt and Rhonda Hamner was born on a trip celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. The couple had spent the previous 20 years following Curt’s pastoral career in Dallas and Southern California and raising three children. Now, as the empty nest loomed, Curt gave Rhonda an assignment in light of the season ahead. He asked her to share the dreams God had given her for their next chapter of life.

After three days, Rhonda cautiously expressed her idea, “What if God gave us a house big enough to host couples to encourage them about God’s design for their marriage?” Curt admits sheepishly that initially he, like the biblical matriarch Sarah, laughed at the idea of God “giving them a house.” But the couple found the dream kept growing in their hearts. Often, ideas for creating “their” bed and breakfast kept popping up as they traveled building relationships with couples and speaking at conferences.

Two years to the day, a representative from the Forest Home Christian Conference Center contacted the Hamners. The group had purchased and renovated a 1928 seven-bedroom mountain lodge. In 2001, Curt and Rhonda opened the Woodlands Country Inn, a bed and breakfast setting to create a marriage ministry there. A dream come true! Over the next five years the Hamners reached more than 700 couples at the lodge with research-based tools and their theology of marriage message.

Now having spent more than 40 years as Marriage and Family Educators and Pastoral Counselors, and married themselves 46 years, Curt and Rhonda offer wise, biblical and practical relationship coaching to couples all over the world under the umbrella of their organization Between Two Trees. Curt holds a degree from Dallas Theological Seminary, and they are Certified Marriage and Relationship Coaches trained under the PREP, Imago, and Prepare/Enrich programs. They have served clients like Pepperdine University, Boone Center for the Family, and Chick-fil-A Winshape Marriage.  Rhonda also speaks to Mothers of Preschoolers groups.

“Between Two Trees is named for the two references to the Tree of Life found in Genesis (2:9) and Revelation (22:3),” according to their website, https://www.betweentwotrees.org/.

“At the beginning and at the end of time, relationships flourish in the world God designs. The Garden of Eden and the Eternal City of God were free of fear and ‘there genuine love (1 John 4:18) prevails.’ This is the yearning of every marriage, flourishing in the safety Adam and Eve enjoyed in the garden. All ‘the people of God’ will delight ‘in’ at the end of time in God’s Kingdom.

“Romans 8 (v23) describes the world we live in, the ‘fallen’ state after sin and selfishness entered the picture. Marriages, like the rest of creation, groan looking for what Adam and Eve experienced and what the future reality will be. The beauty, we believe, is that as couples come to know the truth and grace of God’s Good News, their relationship can flourish during this time we describe as ‘Between Two Trees amidst the struggles of sin and shame.’”

Part of the Hamners’ ministry involves meeting individually with couples, often in a “Focused Retreat” (what others might call intensives) in their home in the California mountains. They develop relationships and relate in a conversational manner so they can discern what a couple needs to move forward, whether it be premarital counseling, a marriage jumpstart, overcoming crisis, or just life transition like the empty nest.

Curt and Rhonda especially enjoy encouraging couples in the second half of life to dream together about where God might be taking them. “They’ve achieved a career, raised their kids. What does God have next for them in marriage, career, family and kingdom influence?” Rhonda asked. “When you are raising a family, you are living more parallel lives. Most people need to exercise the dream muscle.” These retreats also are held in a bed and breakfast setting on Coronado Island, San Diego.

For those seeking greater adventure, they lead an eight-day hike over Scotland’s West Highland Way annually. Walking inn to inn through the country’s glens and moors provides plenty of opportunity for couples to unplug and talk about deeper issues so easily drowned out by life’s distractions.

“It’s a great medium for couples to get away from the fray of life,” Curt said. “We break away from all those things that fill our mind to get to the conversations you need to have. The Scots follow the Celtic tradition of the ‘thin places,’ where the distance between heaven and earth is not that far. We tell couples to be ready for where God is going to give them a transcendent experience.”

In addition to their work with couples, the Hamners partner with ministries and churches to address marriage topics. They often consult with churches to help them develop a marriage ministry based on the theology of marriage, Curt said.

“We’ll come alongside a church to help them understand how to impact marriages in a way that influences the community. We first answer the ‘Why’ question. Why does marriage matter to our culture and to the church?” B2T doesn’t provide a turnkey program for a church to purchase. Instead, the Hamners help church leaders decide what’s going to be the best way to think through the theology of marriage and incorporate it into their church in a practical way, Curt added.

“In our culture, marriage seems so controversial,” Curt said. “Churches are reviewing all the ways to protect themselves from legal issues and strife. But first they need to define and create a statement of what they believe about the theology of marriage. Then they can move to nurturing and protecting it.”

The Hamners also advise churches to develop a network of marriage champions, coaches, counselors and mentors. They challenge churches with the statement, “What are you doing in your church to provide leadership and care for others? If a church has nothing going on in marriage ministry, their congregation will be languishing,” Curt said.

They stress churches should assess their situation.

1. What is your theology on marriage? “Our challenge is for elders and leaders to do some work to make sure they understand the ‘Why’ of marriage.”

2. Once they have the “Why,” churches can move to the ‘What’ – resourcing people to fill the leadership roles. Evaluate strategies currently in place. “Do you send those with troubled marriages to an outside counseling agency? That’s ok, but you need to vet those professionals to make sure they are consistent with the beliefs the church espouses.” How do you develop coaches?

   What about marriage mentors – how do you train people to be there for others? How do you resource your champions, couples who are moving forward and really believe in marriage? Church leadership needs to grow at each level.

The Hammers offer an example of how they enhanced adult fellowships at the Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton, California. “Every two years we’d start a newlywed class connecting young couples with mentors and champions,” Rhonda said. In two years, there would be a new group ready to begin. “We saw a whole upswing of people that had a lot to offer to build into young marriages. That was thrilling!” she added.

No matter the audience, the Hamners ground their teaching on the principle they call the theology of marriage. As they worked with couples, they realized the majority of people who came to them seeking help believed the goal of their marriage was to be happy. Happiness can be a byproduct of marriage, but it’s not the goal, Curt and Rhonda agree. Marriage is about so much more than personal happiness. Marriage exists because it gives God glory and reveals him as a God of relationship, community, and love, they exhort.

“God reveals himself through the marriage relationship,” Curt said. “There is something in the union of man and woman that mirrors the union of the triune God in community for all eternity. Each member of the Trinity – Father, Son and Holy Spirit – retains his unique identity, yet they come together in oneness.” Curt introduces an historic word, perichoresis, to describe the Trinity. In perichoresis, movement of the members are so synchronized they seem as one, a closeness realized by the members of the Trinity and echoed in the marriage relationship, Curt said. “This unique presentation carries a lot of weight when we look at the image of God in the marriage relationship and ultimately as it’s expressed in the body of Christ – the distinction of otherness without any compromise of their unity,” he added.

Once the “Why” of marriage – God’s glory – is understood, marriage is recognized as something important to be cherished. Curt uses an illustration of a gift to explain this concept, asking a couple to imagine that someone gave them the Mona Lisa as a wedding present. “What would they do with it? They would put it in a prominent place, display it, insure it, protect it,” Curt said. He likens this priceless gift to the one God gives a couple on their wedding day, when he reveals his triune image in their marriage. “They have the same responsibility to display, insure and protect the image of God in their marriage,” Curt added.

The theology of marriage is so much the foundation of the Hamners’ ministry they were encouraged to write a book defining it and its application. Marriage: Its Foundation, Theology, and Mission in a Changing World was published by Moody Press in 2018.

The Hamners describe their role as editors compiling the wisdom of more than 40 leaders in the marriage movement, academic and church arenas into a multi-disciplinary volume that “gives the Christian community a place to stand – not to fight a new round of culture wars – but to demonstrate the beauty of God’s design for marriage,” according to the B2T website.

Marriage: Its Foundation, Theology, and Mission in a Changing World was created in partnership with John Trent of the Gary Chapman School of Marriage and Family at Moody Seminary and represents work from theologians, professors, pastors, and counselors writing “on diverse topics related to marriage — from neuroscience’s defense of ‘true love’ to the challenges of dealing with broken relationships. … This work is designed not to be a response to the culture, but a proactive call to God’s people to focus their energies on their own marriage and the marriages of those around them. Long before marriage was a judicial, political or social issue it was a theological issue. Right thinking proceeds personal and culture change,” from the website.

“We look at it as a well-executed, broad view of the theology of marriage. We can speak about the book in glowing terms because we just gave leadership to it as editors,” Rhonda said. “Trying to address the ‘How’ without the ‘Why’ of marriage is just putting on a Band Aid on wounds that are symptomatic. Christian leaders need to have grounding to prepare pastors at the seminary level with deep theology, not just Biblical principles. They may have the scripture, but they haven’t seen it lived out.” Rhonda referenced a group of youth pastors Curt took to Israel a decade ago. “Every single one of them came from a broken home.”

While the Hamners desire every pastor to benefit from the book as a reference, they believe reception has been hindered by its uncomfortable ability to shine a spotlight on the marriage of those reading it. “You can’t teach about marriage if your own marriage is in bad shape,” Rhonda said.

The Hamners have seen marriage take a backseat in churches because preaching about it might “hurt somebody’s feelings.” “We’ve sidestepped our role as believers to uphold God’s design for marriage as his jewel that depicts Christ’s relationship with the church,” Curt added.

“We are convinced that if we can raise marriage, highlight it and show off the facets of what God designed it to be, people will be drawn to it. That’s our hope for the next generation.”