Winning At Home | Relationship Ministry with Dan Seaborn

When was the last time you heard a sermon or listened to a podcast emphasizing the importance of your marriage? Read a book about relationships? Or attended a marriage enrichment event or date night? Researchers, pastors, authors and speakers emphasize the importance of focusing on family relationships. But what happens when the boost from the event fades or, even worse, uncovers some troubled spots or brokenness? Where do you turn for help?

Dan Seaborn, pastor and founder of non-profit ministry Winning At Home, came across this question a few years after establishing the organization in 1995. He was quietly seeking the Lord’s wisdom in the church where he served as youth pastor when he felt God clearly change his direction. He noticed a scripture verse appear on the sanctuary’s screen. This occurrence was significant because Dan was alone in the church – no one was in the sound booth to turn on the electronics. The verse was Isaiah 43:19: “Behold, I am doing a new thing; Now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Dan interpreted this verse to mean God intended for him to begin a ministry serving marriages and families. At that time, few churches were even considering support specific to the relationship needs of families. Winning At Home was a pioneer in the field.

As he began speaking and teaching best practice relationship skills around the country, therapist Dr. Peter Newhouse told Dan he was missing a crucial piece of the puzzle – Dan motivated people to change, but they didn’t know how. “Dr. Pete” suggested he partner with Dan to help couples take the next steps.

Dr. Pete joined Dan at Winning At Home in 2002 and began developing the organization’s counseling center. The ministry continues to add counselors and coaches to meet demand. Winning At Home now includes more than 60 affiliated coaches and counselors who work with couples from a Christian perspective, as well as referring to other vetted professional around the country.

The organization established its office in Zeeland, Michigan, with additional offices coming on board in Holland, Michigan, and Tampa Bay, Florida, as well as a satellite in Rwanda. In May 2022 alone, Winning at Home received 220 calls for new appointments.

Winning At Home’s mission “is to encourage people … to lead Christ-centered homes. We accomplish this through counseling and coaching services, motivational speaking, community events and other media resources,” according to the organization.

“Jesus came to relate to all of us as individuals who were broken,” Dan said. “Our first commitment is to the Lord, then the marriage. We are trying to give practical, Biblical insight to people at all ages and stages. How do you go home and figure out how to go through this in your life?  If I hadn’t listened to God, I wouldn’t have been able to make it through. We come to a counselor to help us break that down … show us what that means… and help us set realistic expectations for our marriage and partners.”

Winning At Home’s counselors are trained in different specialties to be able to walk alongside an individual or couples. Perhaps there’s been infidelity issues or someone deals with anxiety. Counselors help people dig deeply into their past then provide practical steps to change.

Coaches help people look forward. They ask questions and help couples learn skills and build a roadmap to where they want their relationship to go. Often, clients will seek help from a counselor to address an issue and process potential solutions, then transfer to a coach to set goals, create action steps, and work together toward their preferred future.

Winning At Home’s executive team carefully screens and closely supervises their counselors and coaches to ensure their practices reflect Biblical wisdom and align with the truth as found in God’s word.

“We give our counselors a real challenge to make sure they are praying with their clients and referring directly to verses from the Bible. The Lord is the ultimate healer,” Dan said.

In addition to the speaking ministry, Dan has released 12 books on marriage and parenting. He, Dr. Pete and Lisa Velthouse released The Necessary Nine: How to Stay Happily Married for Life in 2007, which also has been developed into a video series and marriage seminar. He considers this book the centerpiece of the ministry and noted the American Association of Christian Counselors (with which he leads the Marriage & Family Division) uses it as part of their marriage curriculum. The Necessary Nine also serves as the foundation of Winning At Home’s flagship Marriage Rendezvous event. Marriage champions and churches can partner with Winning At Home to bring this “ultimate date night” with “live musical performances, interactive presentations, and sound wisdom from The Necessary Nine, which provide solid principals on how to build an extraordinary marriage. This evening of marriage celebration is designed to refresh and revitalize your relationship with your spouse. You will laugh, maybe dance or sway to popular love songs, and discover new ways to appreciate your spouse regardless of how long you’ve been married. You’ll walk away with a renewed commitment to your marriage and to each other,” according to the organization.

Marriage Rendezvous is just one of the events Winning At Home produces both in their Michigan community and for churches around the country. Others include: The Wonders of the World of Parenting, Family Softball Leagues, Fore Family Challenge Cup Golf, Father Daughter Winter Ball, Legacy Luncheon for couples married 50+ years, Premarital event and Mother & Son Barn Bash.

The Necessary Nine book itself begins with a Marriage Assessment, an evaluation tool that provides valuable insight into areas of strengths and growth in relationship. (A Pre-married Assessment is also available for engaged couples).

Chapters include: (1) Establish Cherishing Attitudes, (2) Pursue Financial Security, (3) Discover Sexual Satisfaction, (4) Spend Time Together, (5) Develop Genuine Friendship, (6) Value Physical Attraction, (7) Cultivate Emotional Oneness, (8) Guard Home Harmony, and (9) Build Spiritual Fusion. The authors call the Nine, “The “must-do’s” for anyone who has said ‘I do.’” Dan said people respond to the “sexpectations” chapter, although he highlights financial security as a priority, as he named finances the number one reason for divorce in Michigan.

Dan also noted the chapter on how to establish home harmony, something he admitted he did not have growing up as a child, and an element missing from so many raised in broken homes today.

“People crave a harmonious home, but they have no idea how to get there,” he said. “I teach from my own weakness and failure. I had to learn the importance of leaving work at work. I realized I was not easy to be around. I would carry the anxiousness and frustrations of the day home. People don’t want to bring that stress home, but they don’t know how to stop it.

“I posted a note on my office door that said, ‘Pray before you go.’ That was the difference maker – just a little practical step that changed something. As I prayed that I would bring joy into my house, my wife asked me about three days later, ‘What are you doing? You are coming home happy!’”

Another book, Marriage on Purpose, builds on the last of The Necessary Nine chapters: finding identity in Christ “This book is for couples who want their marriage to grow and flourish “on purpose,” according to the ministry and includes Dan’s son, Alan, as well as Dr. Pete as authors. Marriage on Purpose includes a discussion guide and video series. Both it and The Necessary Nine are available in Spanish.

Building upon the idea of seeking spiritual intimacy, Winning At Home released a series of four engaging devotional books for couples to reflect upon together. These books help spouses incorporate scripture and prayer into their marriages, while addressing real life issues.  Each devotion ends with two thought-provoking questions to kick-start in-depth conversations.

Titles include: Stay Married For Life: One-Minute Reflections For Couples; The Marriage Rendezvous; Two to One: One-Minute Reflections For Couples; and Leaving A Legacy: One-Minute Reflections For Couples.

The devotions were designed to deliberately present just a short thought and a prayer “to help couples have a moment together in their space to trigger spiritual intimacy,” he added. “It’s a way to practically live out the last of the necessary nine.

“Spiritual intimacy is a gift from the Lord. If I said, ‘Go have sex with your wife,’ the guys would jump on it, but only 2% of couples who attend church ever pray together,” Dan said. “The body is going to pass away, but the spirit is the eternal part.”

As our society shifts, new pressure points arise. One of Winning At Home’s newest offerings draws upon the experience of pastor and lead coach Brad Klaver to address same sex attraction. Coping with a teen or adult child’s non-traditional sexual choices can cause great marital stress. “Parents deal with it in different ways,” Dan said. “It’s hard to navigate in the family relationship.”

Brad, married and father of four children, speaks compassionately about his journey and why he chose not to follow the path of same sex attraction.

“He tackles a tough topic that confuses kids and scares parents,” Dan added. “He walks alongside and loves them through because he can personally identify with their struggle.”

Beginning summer 2022, Winning At Home offers a four-week group coaching series titled Parenting LBTQ+ Teen or Adult. “The parent-driven, coach guided group conversation will provide support and encouragement for those parenting an LGBTQ+ family member and includes a one-on-one session. All discussions will be viewed through a historical, traditional ethic of sexuality and gender (marriage between one man and one woman),” according to the organization.

While most of Winning At Home’s coaching and counseling sessions take place in person, consultations via electronic methods are available. The organization also can help couples or marriage champions find a vetted counselor for in-person consultation anywhere in the country through Winning At Home’s vast contact base.

Whether it’s creating a game plan for marital success, bringing an enrichment event to your church, learning necessary habits for a thriving marriage, deepening spiritual intimacy as a couple, or help tackling the most sensitive topics —you’ll find what you need at winningathome.com.