Dauren and Joan Francis became friends in kindergarten, attended church together, received Christ at the same convention and were baptized in the same service. They dated for more than five years. You would think a couple with such a positive and likeminded start would breeze easily through marriage. But to their surprise, they found their relationship strained just three years after their wedding. Navigating culture differences as they transitioned from their native Jamaica, Dauren’s lack of a male role model growing up, and emotional baggage from their past undermined their once vibrant friendship.

They share their journey from brokenness and frustration to a thriving 31-year union in their ebook, From Brokenness to Becoming One, just one resource they’ve created to help struggling couples rekindle their love and learn to thrive together.

Now seasoned marriage ministers at Greater Mount Bethel Tabernacle in Bronx, New York, the Francises have guided more than 800 couples back to God’s plan for their marriages over the past 15 years. Dauren is a Certified Marriage Counselor and Ordained Reverend who serves as Assistant Pastor of Greater Mount Bethel. Joan, a Certified Marriage Coach and Evangelist, coordinates the church’s marriage ministry alongside Dauren.

In addition to their church work, they created their own ministry, Knot Easily Broken, in 2015 to encourage and empower couples to strengthen communication and overcome challenges in their marriages. Dauren and Joan speak, host workshops and privately coach couples to improve their interpersonal communication skills to resolve conflict, grow mutual respect, and rekindle affection.

The two met in Jamaica, but Dauren emigrated to New York with his mother in 1989. This was before the advent of cell phones or FaceTime, so they communicated the only way they could – sending letters through what we now call “snail mail.” Dauren still proudly displays the sheaf of envelopes emblazed with Jamaican stamps. The Francises married in 1994 but weren’t able to set up housekeeping together until Joan’s paperwork was finalized and she joined Dauren in New York the next year.

In addition to their formal college education, Dauren earned a bachelor’s degree in Theology and Christian Counseling while Joan gained her bachelor’s degree in Theology. Dauren was groomed for leadership by a succession of Greater Mount Bethel’s pastors while serving as a junior deacon there. He was installed as an assistant pastor in 2013. Even as a young deacon Dauren realized the importance of supporting marriages.

When they noticed their own relationship spiraling, the Francises tried date nights, counseling, retreats, and workshops. “Love alone was just not enough,” Dauren said. “We started to feel like we were not right for each other.” How can two people walk down the aisle and all of a sudden start looking at each other like strangers? they wondered.

They realized that a thriving marriage starts with personal and spiritual growth. They discovered they were “bleeding on each other” because of their trauma scars. They discerned their marriage would only be as healthy as each of them was individually.

Their ministry catch phrase hits home: “Is your marriage the problem, or is it you?”

“You don’t have a marriage problem – you are two individuals having a problem in marriage,” Dauren said. “We only have the power to fix ourselves. The relationship you have with your spouse reflects the relationship you have with yourself. They determined the missing pieces were to put God first, then prioritize individual healing.

“Spiritual life is the most important,” Dauren said. “God didn’t put Adam and Eve in the garden together at the same time. How can someone build a successful marriage without a personal relationship with God? Then you come to the marriage with your own baggage. We see a lot of couples with trauma and behavior patterns. Growth is the difference maker. When we grow, everything around us grows, including our marriage. Then two whole people can come together.”

One day when Dauren was counseling a couple, he heard the wife tell her husband she needed some grace. A lightbulb went off! He developed the G.R.A.C.E. FRAMEWORK to help communicate their ministry philosophy, which he calls, “Your Divinely Inspired Path to a Thriving Marriage.”

GOD First

RENEW Yourself

AGREE to Respect the Covenant

CONNECT Emotionally, Relationally & Intimately (Deeply)

EDUCATE and Equip

Content includes encouraging couples to recommit to their vows with renewed passion, experience the security and intimacy that comes from honoring their sacred bond. Develop intimate connections and rebuild friendship at the core, because great marriages are not built on the surface level.

Love alone doesn’t make marriage work – wisdom and understanding do. Growth happens when couples master the skills that make a marriage thrive. Communication and conflict resolution, financial management, health and wellness, and sexual intimacy, couples can acquire these tools to weather any storm together.

Dauren unpacked the biblical principles of making marriage work in his 2015 book, Built to Last, which launched their Knot Easily Broken online presence. Now those who visit the site will find podcasts, YouTube videos, blog posts and free resources like the Marriage Survival ebook that covers intimacy, finance, anger, managing emotions, and communication, found at https://www.knoteasilybroken.com/free-guide.

Knot Easily Broken Marriage Makeover Coaching 

“Healthy marriages are not built in isolation; they are built in community. Healing happens in community,” Joan said. To meet the need, the Francises created an online Marriage Growth System that includes live group coaching and an online community, with private groups for couples, men and women.

The program includes:

12 Weeks of Proven Lessons

• 50 videos with interactive quizzes

• Accessible anytime on a secure platform

• Complete Step-By-Step Marriage Growth System

Weekly Exercises and Homework

• Practical assignments to strengthen a couple’s bond

• Tools to implement immediately

Monthly Live Group Coaching

• Direct access to proven strategies

• Learn from other couples’ experiences

• Personalized guidance

Unlimited Email Support

• Direct access for guidance

• Personalized support throughout the journey

Bonus Resources

• Prayer guides to strengthen a spiritual foundation

• Date night ideas to reconnect and have fun

• Communication templates for difficult conversations

Exclusive Private Community

• Gathers every month to encourage and support

• Prayer and Bible study

Private Groups: For Wives Only and Get In The Huddle Husbands Group

The Francises noticed people still needed community and support after the 12-week program. They created the groups to offer couples a place where they can learn and connect. Couples pray together and hear testimonies as they meet online.

“We went through coaching and counseling early in our marriage, but we needed a community to provide growth,” Joan said. “There are a lot of emotions because of what people share and how vulnerable they are. We see the transformation. We have couples who didn’t have hope begin to believe.”

Separate men’s and women’s groups allow both to bond separately with likeminded peers within their roles. Iron sharpening iron creates another opportunity for healing, Dauren noted. “A lot of men feel emasculated in our anti-marriage and anti-masculine society. ‘I tell them, Bro, you can do it! You can be a better man and a better husband.’”

Singles told the Francises they felt left out, so in 2017, Dauren wrote Dating and Courting With Godly Purpose to help people understand how to date strategically to find a partner. They remind singles to prepare for life first and become the best version of themselves. Adam was a whole man in the garden with all his attributes before he met Eve, Dauren emphasized.

“Don’t wait until you meet somebody to become a good man – be that first,” Joan said. “Don’t wait until you meet a good man to become a godly woman. If you wait – you’ll miss that opportunity.” When both potential partners understand their purpose and assignment in life, they’ll be equipped to love and serve in marriage.

Remember! You will not be ready for anything you did not prepare for, they state. When preparation and opportunity meet, you’ll have success.

Questions the book addresses include:

• Why are you dating?

• What is the purpose for being in the relationship you are now in?

• Do you date because you have to or because you want to?

• Why is self-love important for a successful relationship?

• Should you be dating or courting if you are not ready for a long-term relationship?

• Do’s and Don’ts

Dauren drew from a real estate analogy to suggest potential partners conduct a “relationship appraisal process (RAP)” before going forward. “It does not matter how beautiful a house looks on the outside, you need to make sure all things are in working order for the bank to approve the purchase,” he said. “Don’t date with your emotions and feelings,” they advise. Date to see if the other person is “qualified for your time,” get to know each other and see if they are fit for a long-term relationship.

“Ladies, be guarded, be levelheaded, get data,” Joan cautioned. “What’s the man’s background? Does he have a job? Are your values and religious beliefs aligned? Don’t just believe in someone because they are attractive or you have chemistry. People don’t want to ‘RAP,’ they want to get right to it. You have to find out who the person is.”

Premarital couples who have used the book say they’ve found love as they slowed their pace. The book sets a standard, Dauren added.

Whether single and looking to date, or a couple wanting marriage to thrive, establishing personal growth and a flourishing spiritual life will provide a foundation for a successful life and marriage. They go hand-in-hand. Dauren and Joan Francis’ Knot Easily Broken offers valuable information, practical skills and solid connection to move forward.