If you while away the rush hour listening to drive-time radio, you may have heard the sage advice of therapist turned Relevant Radio host Doug Hinderer, LMFT. He offers timely guidance and support on the Marriage Unhindered program, which airs Monday-Friday, from 5-6 p.m., CST.

Doug felt the Lord’s tug on his heart to help families when he was choosing a college major, but he also recognized God’s call to have a large family. So, Doug made his way in the corporate world, applying his psychology degree to the human resources field to support his growing clan of nine children. After 36 years in business and a milestone birthday, Doug returned to school to follow his original dream and launched a mid-life career in marriage and family therapy in 2016. He started counseling through the Chicago Christian Counseling Center until the pandemic sent work online. Doug realized teletherapy meant he could launch his own practice anywhere, so he and his wife of more than 40 years, Shirley, moved to acreage outside the city.

In 2023 Father Rocky Hoffman, Executive Director of Relevant Radio, challenged Doug to do more to help marriages. He scheduled Doug in a Saturday slot despite Doug’s objections that he didn’t know anything about the radio business. After 6 months, Marriage Unhindered was so popular the show was moved to the coveted weekday drive-time spot. Now Doug counsels rarely, instead focusing his energies and attention to the caller-driven show to help people build happy, lifelong marriages.

“I never thought I’d end up here doing this work,” Doug said, adding that “God will take you up on it” if you pray that he would use you.

His approach is rooted in the belief that every marriage, no matter how strained, can be revitalized with commitment, mutual respect, and the right tools. “Drawing from his extensive training, his own marriage experience, and his Catholic faith, Doug emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s spouse deeply, learning to navigate differences with compassion, and fostering a partnership that is grounded in love and faith,” as described on his website.

He prepares 50 minutes of content for each show, scouring the internet for current topics and problems. Doug receives emails from singles looking to get married and those who need help in their marriage – from small questions to full-blown crises. Concerns include typical topics – in-laws, communication, conflict resolution, how to encourage a spouse to do (or not do) something. He explains how to respond in healthy ways that affirm core needs. Sue Johnson’s EFT research and the Gottman method form the basis of his counseling recommendations, which include how to have gentle conversations, how to talk about feelings and practical ways to get started.

Many of the topics center around three general areas.

1) Conflict management. How to talk about and solve a problem. Doug describes the Gottman’s Four Horsemen – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling — and models how to break down barriers with the phrase: “I feel (fill in the blank) when you (blank), and I’d like to ask you to please… “It’s a gentle way to say, ‘Hey, knucklehead,’ which is going to be a trigger,” he said.

2) How to keep love alive. Doug reminds people to invest in each other and their marriage and continue to grow. “Little things are big in a marriage. Say, ‘please and thank you.’” Doug explains the four types of love and encourages sacrificial love, which follows Jesus’ role model.

3) How to practice forgiveness. “We get an opportunity to practice forgiveness almost every day,” he said. “We get selfish, prideful, busy and thoughtless. We don’t always do what we should.” He starts with the Lord’s command (not suggestion) that we forgive others their trespasses as He forgives us. Then Doug walks couples through steps designed by the International Forgiveness Institute.

Doug also noticed how childhood traumas tend to show up in marriage. “There are an awful lot of people who have sexual trauma from their childhood that can be tough in marriage,” he added. One of his daughters, Monica Hinderer, herself a therapist, joins him on Thursdays to offer a father-daughter perspective. She often works with parents and girls struggling with sexual identity issues.

He considers his show to be educational and practical and hopes its impact is fruitful. “When I started down this road of going back to school (for a counseling degree), I said to my wife, ‘At my funeral, if just one couple comes up to you and says, You don’t know us, but your husband saved my marriage,’ that would make it all worth it.”

“I feel the same way about my radio show. At any time, there are 10,000-20,000 people listening. That’s a lot! I get emails that tell me the show has made a huge difference in their marriage. That’s my motivation. And frankly, I think this is where God wants me. I did not plan on having a Monday through Friday, five-day-a-week job at the age of 69. But I feel like God told me, ‘Son, I spent your whole life preparing you for this,’” Doug said.

Doug also has created a Marriage Discernment course for pre-married couples to be used in conjunction with their parish Pre-Cana classes and a Marriage Tune-Up enrichment course. He drew upon his decades of experience speaking and developing employee training and development materials, as well as his years of counseling and study for content. He originally delivered his material in person until he recorded the courses for virtual use during COVID.

Now, one of the benefits of the online courses is that couples can take up to a year to access and work through the sessions at their leisure, he noted.

Doug describes the Marriage Discernment Course on his website (happymarriageforlife.com): “Marriage Discernment helps dating couples evaluate their relationship with an eye towards marriage and develop the skills needed for a happy and fulfilling marriage if that is God’s call for them. This 18-module online course is meant to take you and your significant other through the marriage discernment process to determine if God is calling you to marry and if He wants you to marry THIS particular person.”

Sometimes dating couples break up as a result of the Marriage Discernment course, which Doug counts as the right decision if the course reveals they are not well suited. Couples who successfully complete the material know they have had important and deep conversations and can feel confident they have the skills to handle conflict and know what to do to stay connected, Doug added.

The Marriage Tune-Up was designed for two types of married couples — those who have a pretty good marriage but want to move to a higher level or those whose spouse refuses therapy. Watching at their own pace in the privacy of their home is less threatening than counseling and could convince someone to try, Doug said. The skills-based course helps couples understand how to have a good conversation and how to avoid triggers.

In addition to the types of love and the conflict resolution skills he teaches on the radio, the Marriage Tune-Up course addresses:

Uncovering anger

Deciding to forgive

Working on forgiveness

Discovering the meaning of suffering.

Doug delves deeper into the themes of suffering and healing in his book,  Rekindled Hearts: A Spiritual Journey to Marital Healing, published in 2025. He collaborated with his oldest daughter, journalist Katherine Hinderer, to publish a story based on a fictionalized couple who seek marital help from “Father Richard,” whom Doug describes as an amalgamation of priests he’s known. In the book, neither spouse realizes the other is seeking spiritual guidance from the priest until the final chapter.

Doug gives Father Richard words to embody the psychological framework he uses when counseling couples. “The book is about abandoning yourself into the arms of a loving God who can help you with suffering,” he described. “Somehow suffering is tied into our Christian life and salvation. It’s the way that God chose to redeem mankind,” noting that even Christ’s own mother was not spared the agony of seeing her son on the cross.

“When facing overwhelming challenges within marriage, what can be done? Doug Hinderer addresses what to do with problems that cannot be solved by viewing them through a spiritual lens: turn to Jesus Christ and the Catholic Church to discover invaluable lessons on suffering…This book can help all married couples, but especially those enduring trying times, struggling within their marriage, contemplating marriage therapy, or contemplating divorce. … the author offers spiritual guidance, encourages marital counseling, gives practical advice on how to express love and affection, and proposes assistance in mental prayer,” as described on the website.

Doug suggests three ways a couple can benefit from Rekindled Hearts. They can simply read it, or they can pray through it, asking God to apply its wisdom to their marriage. Those who want to dig deeper can use it as a workbook and complete the exercises listed at the end of each chapter. Examples include reading the first chapter of From Resentment to Forgiveness, praying Psalm 21 or selecting a virtue for improvement.

“In learning that suffering is a natural and unavoidable part of married life and that there is real spiritual value in suffering—that it is not something to escape from but something to be embraced—we are able to sanctify all areas of our ordinary life, heal wounds that at one time seemed inescapable, and find goodness and peace in places we never expected,” he wrote.

The next time you find yourself suffering through rush hour traffic, switch the dial to find Doug on Relevant Radio. The delay will seem less onerous when you’re learning ways to build a happier, healthier marriage.