Have you ever considered taking a personality test? You might remember learning a string of letters that describe you – ESTJ for example – from a Myers-Briggs assessment or were given a number like 6 or 7 on an Enneagram. People have found understanding their personality traits, strengths and weaknesses can help them be more self-aware and communicate better with others.

Loving someone doesn’t always guarantee understanding. Couples can use their results to open discussion, identify areas of likely conflict and build on shared strengths. But tests, and their results, are only as good as the way they are used. They are most helpful when information sparks action.

James and Lisa Duvall are well versed in using assessments, along with other practical tools, and investing in marriages. Lisa is certified in both the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs evaluations. The two have spent 33 years in vocational church work at Christ Fellowship Church in South Florida, where Lisa’s currently the staff pastor for the church’s more than 350 employees. James pastored and served on the senior leadership team from 1996 to 2024. Together they developed marriage and pre-marital ministry materials used throughout the church’s 10 campuses.

“We love investing in married couples,” James said. “Neither of us had great examples, with a legacy of divorce on both sides. Now we’ve been married for 33 years!”

“Marriage is not hard, life is hard,” Lisa added. “Life makes marriages harder. We can help couples navigate the storms of life successfully by giving them the tools and skills to work through the tensions. That’s what we are passionate about.”

The couple independently launched the Art of Spousing to broaden the reach of couples. They offer resources on their website to help couples improve their marriage.

“Marriage is just as much of an art as it is a science,” they write. “We often find that couples have good hearts toward each other but lack the skills to navigate challenges well. The good news is that skills can be learned – and that’s where we come in. We help couples develop the tools they need,” Lisa said.

Sometimes it’s just trying something new to change the tone of a conversation. We’ve all had an experience when we’ve inadvertently said or done something that rubbed our spouse the wrong way. One of their practical tools in that situation is to incorporate the keywords intent/impact. The Duvalls use the phrase, “I know you didn’t intend to impact me that way when you said/did ….” This presents the concern from a posture of belief in your spouse’s best intentions, rather than assuming they meant offense. “It’s a code word that means, ‘I’m for us,’ ‘I’m for unity.’ It gives you a way to back yourself out of a corner,” Lisa said. “It’s a tool that gives grace. James knows I’m trying to lean in and come together.”

The Duvalls also lead two-day, in-person marriage intensives for couples who feel stuck or are seeking a fresh vision for their marriage. Rather than counseling a couple in crisis, they help take good marriages to great by creating strategy, vision, purpose and an action plan.

In 2019 the Duvalls began working with global leadership consulting and development group GiANT, which involves more than 400 coaches worldwide. The organization developed a psychodynamic tool that streamlines a Myers-Briggs-type assessment into an easier-to-navigate Five Voices profile. Participants answer questions online, then results determine the arrangement of Five Voices: Guardian / Pioneer / Nurturer / Connector / Creative. Each of the five voices represents a distinct way of seeing and interacting with the world. The Guardian voice keeps one grounded in practical decisions, while a Pioneer loves to push forward. The Nurturer brings emotional balance, the Connector helps with relationships, and the Creative explores new ideas. Knowing the traits of their foundational voice, secondary characteristics and how stress impacts coping skills helps a person self-reflect and relate better with others.

In 2024, GiANT Co-founder and Executive Chairman Jeremie Kubicek invited James and Lisa to join the organization to apply its content to marriage. The couple now draw from their experience with couples to build marriage resources from GiANT’s successful leadership assessments and tools.

They developed the Five Voices for Marriage Course, a video offering that unpacks how each Voice handles communication, conflict and emotional connection. Spouses each first take the assessment online, then the course will walk them through the characteristics of their voice and how it shows up in decision making processes and relational tendencies. James describes, “Every Voice has a way of speaking — and filtering what’s being said. When you know your own Voice and your spouse’s, you can bridge those filters and finally feel heard…It’s not about fixing problems — it’s about learning the skills that make love last.”

The Duvalls also incorporate the Five Voices into a date night for churches they call Turn the Volume Up On Us. Analyzing the blend of both spouses’ voices illuminates positive aspects of their relationship and challenges that might come. “Understanding your and your partner’s voice can strengthen a better ‘we,’” Lisa said. “You can see each other’s strengths and things to leverage in the relationship – how to empower one another as husband and wife to fight for the highest good.”

To better explain how the Five Voices process works for couples, Lisa and James generously offered to take me and my husband of 30-years, Steve, through it.

We each took the online assessment individually, which took less than 15 minutes. GiANT processed our results and sent us separate profiles. We’ve completed several other assessments over the years, so the results were not shockingly new, but they provided a quite accurate snapshot of the way we each interpret the world and offered nuanced insights. Over the next week or so, we each received several email follow-ups (but not so many as to be annoying) with prompts to apply what we learned and take small growth steps. From GiANT: “Over the past few emails, we’ve explored your unique personality blend and how it shapes not just your work, but your relationships, personal growth, and overall life approach. I hope these insights have provided valuable perspective on both your natural strengths and potential growth edges.”

We also were invited to continue to connect with subsequent offerings — more about those later.

James then took our individual assessments and created a four-page, personalized relationship dynamics report that helps us see “how our voices interact, what may cause tension, and how to grow together with greater awareness and intentionality.” Results include each of our voice orders, a list of how we individually process and express ourselves, and how we likely experience the other.

Steve and I both lead with a Guardian voice, which means “our relationship is grounded in responsibility, commitment, and a strong desire to protect what matters most. You share a deep respect for structure, clarity, and long-term stability.” “This starts out well,” I thought, although I would imagine other couples’ assessments might also open by highlighting a strength. Our different secondary voices “shape how you approach pace, risk, and emotional expression.”

Steve thinks carefully, prioritizing responsibility. I show care by solving problems and am action oriented. It’s not a stretch to see how those traits, while strengths individually, can occasionally conflict in a decades-long marriage.

The report also lists reactions each of us might experience under moderate or extreme stress, unhealthy defense mechanisms and common trigger situations. Some patterns showed up there that made our 28-year-old son, who was reading over our shoulder, laugh out loud. Guess we resembled those remarks …

Tools to grow closer offered practical strategies to “liberate” one another. Specific solutions included a reminder to “invite the other’s input before moving forward,” and the phrases, “I trust you – I just want us aligned,” and “What concerns should we address before deciding?”

The report concluded with ideas for growth including, “Celebrate both stability and progress as shared wins” and “practice curiosity before reaction, IE: ‘Help me understand your thinking.’” Concluding words of encouragement reminded us that “our shared ‘we’ makes us a better than either’s ‘me.’”

Next steps include the opportunity to continue to access personalized support via the 5 Voices App or join the Art of Spousing marriage collective group.

The 5 Voices App is billed as “your marriage coach… in your pocket.” The AI-powered marriage companion personalizes communication prompts, reminders, and reflection questions based on a 5 Voices profile. It helps:

• Have better timing in conversations

• Avoid predictable tension cycles

• Stay emotionally synced throughout the week

Couples or individuals also can go deeper with the GiANT OS Pro platform that provides additional tools to help people recognize patterns under pressure, identify triggers, and develop strategies to show up as their best self consistently at work, with family, or in the community.

For couples who’d benefit from a group dynamic, James and Lisa launched The Art of Spousing Collective in early 2026. It’s an online community designed for similarly aligned couples who want to stay connected, communicate better, and grow with purpose. Membership includes

• Monthly live sessions with James and Lisa

• Tools and themes to strengthen communication and connection

• A place to have conversations with and encourage other growth-minded couples

The Art of Spousing Podcast also offers people a short form opportunity to invest in their marriage relationship.

The end of my husband’s and my relationship dynamics report offered a goal that might resonate with many: “By choosing awareness over assumption and partnership over pressure, you can build a marriage marked by trust, momentum, and enduring unity.” A worthy aspiration, indeed.