Who would have thought a non-profit in the small southern town of Chattanooga, Tennessee, would offer not just top-notch, relevant online marriage resources, but ground-breaking relationship and parenting programs aimed at making a difference for generations to come. First Things First, a prevention-oriented organization started in 1997, was tasked to decrease divorce, decrease out of wedlock births, increase fathers’ involvement in the lives of their children and increase martial health.

The current President and CEO, Lauren Hall, joined First Things First as marketing director in 2015 when the organization was under the leadership of former CEO and President Julie Baumgardener. A native of Chattanooga, Lauren had worked on national advertising campaigns for companies including Cracker Barrel but felt called to focus her efforts with more societal purpose. Her initial task at First Things First was to create a robust digital library of resources and elevate the presence of the non-profit nationally. She spent the next five years adding value and building residual income through for-profit products like in-person date nights and online courses. When Julie left to take a position at Winshape in 2020, Lauren was soon named her successor in 2021.

During the pandemic. Lauren quickly helped First Things First pivot to digital, taking all offerings and resources online. The library of columns, courses, date nights, e-books, videos and social media posts continues to grow with an ever-expanding market to help people prepare for married life, work through challenges in marriage and parent children of all ages.

 “Fourteen to fifteen million people use these online resources annually and continue to increase,” Lauren said. “Our products are easy for couples to access and use on their own time.”

Marriage champions and couples can find innovative date night ideas on the non-profit’s website. Examples include how to make crepes in their own kitchen or take a meringue class at home with a professional dance instructor. https://firstthings.org/marriage-resources/#datenights.

In addition to blog posts and ebooks, First Things First offers both online marriage prep and enrichment courses.

Maximize Your Marriage, billed as, “Here’s how you’ll write the next chapter of your marriage story,” includes seven work-at-your-own-pace modules. Each opens with a video featuring expert relationship facilitators Gena and Chris, who explain a common marriage obstacle and how to overcome it.

Downloadable materials help personalize the key marriage concept. A handout helps couples turn ideas into actions in “for me, for us and for our future” sections. Couples can email Gena and Chris to ask questions or seek encouragement.

The Preparing for Marriage course follows the same format, offering eight lessons that couples can work on alone or separately, making it ideal for those who might not be in the same location or have schedule conflicts. Each video lesson, led by marriage experts Reggie and Lauren, is divided into “past you, present you and future you” segments. Written handouts, a pop-quiz and email access to the leaders are also included. Couples who complete all the quizzes can be eligible for a discount on the cost of their marriage license.

The curriculum for the courses is based on the most up-to-date versions of PREP, Family Wellness and Mind Matters and is designed to help people maintain healthy relationships and support each other, Lauren added.

First Things First has received feedback from across the nation about the relevance of this digital information. The ministry also noted a high volume of responses from their home county of Hamilton requesting the free, in-person resources First Thing First once offered.

 “People were losing jobs and not getting paid,” Lauren said. “Going out on a date is hard. Paying for therapy is hard. Many people were requesting help.”

One of the foundational purposes of First Things First has been to enlist the community to pour into others to create positive generational change. It’s about so much more than just promoting marriage – it requires creating “intentional environments where families can thrive and contribute to the well-being of the community.”

Lauren began building a strategic plan to serve low-income families in Hamilton County in-person at no cost in 2023. Some of the efforts are supported by a DOJ Family Based Alternative grant. First Things First now employs 11 full-time and six contracted staff members to support the non-profit’s programming.

Much of their work focuses on areas of marriage desert in Hamilton County.

“A marriage desert is an area, often defined by socioeconomic and geographic lines, where marriage rates are significantly lower than the national average. These regions are characterized by a scarcity of married couples and a high prevalence of single-parent households,” Lauren said.

According to First Things First, the decision not to marry is not just a matter of personal choice but is influenced by a range of economic and social factors, such as:

Economic Instability. In areas with high unemployment rates and low wages, individuals may feel they cannot afford to get married.

Educational Disparities: In communities where educational attainment is low, marriage rates tend to be lower as well.

Cultural Shifts: In some communities, particularly those facing economic hardships, marriage may be seen as an unattainable goal rather than a desired norm.

Social Networks and Community Support: In marriage deserts, the absence of these support systems makes it harder for couples to form and maintain marriages.

“It wasn’t until I began working at First Things First and dove into the diversity of families, values, and cultures in our own community that I truly understood the difficulty and bias that exists,” Lauren said. “Couples are interested in being married, but they don’t believe they have the skills to be successful. They settle for what they think they can accomplish.

“In our low-income communities, only 20% of couples are married. The majority have never seen a healthy marriage or had a marriage in their family. Marriage deserts are on the rise, as marriage rates are dropping and decreasing the most in low-income communities.

“How do we show people who have never seen it that marriage matters and can be successful? Give them hope that marriage can last and that their children can have a healthy, thriving marriage?” she asked.

People living in a low-income community are trying to meet basic needs like food and shelter. Survival mode becomes normal for children raised in that environment. A healthy family or relationship is not a world they know, Lauren added.

Staff at First Things First recognize everyone has gone through some type of trauma. They’ve learned not to ask, “What’s wrong with you?” but “What happened to you?” We all have a story, Lauren said. “We want to be aware of each other, know why people are the way they are so we can be supportive and help them become their best version of themselves.”

First Things First’s goal is to help people find water not only in the marriage desert, but in the relationship and family desert. They strive to break unhealthy patterns of dysfunction and create change through positive programs that enable people to thrive. First Things First combed through their county to target zip codes with a high proportion of families in need to target their efforts, which led them to plant a community hub to provide a physical location for in-person assistance.

First Things First has also partnered with Chattanooga’s juvenile court system and developed a robust relationship. One of their staff members advocates that parents on trial for failure to pay child support attend one of their educational parenting programs rather than go to jail. Most parents choose to take the class – either Mom’s END or Dads Making a Difference (DMD).

First Things First’s model helps parents stay out of jail so they can spend more time with their kids, Lauren explained. Everything starts with an intake assessment. They’ve learned families need to have their basic needs met before they can think about building relationship skills. They might have had a death in the family, lost a job or housing. “We have to reach sustainability first,” she said. Then families work through the Relationship Skill Building Class and meet one-on-one with a coach facilitator. Very frequently previous trauma will surface. First Things First will refer to and pay for up to 12 therapy sessions with one of the trusted therapists to whom they refer. Once a client finishes therapy, First Thing First’s coach will continue to advocate and advise. “We want them to know they have a secure hand to hold during every part of the journey,” Lauren said.

First Things First has been running DMD classes for 11 years to help non-custodial fathers be more involved in the lives of their children. What was once one of the smallest efforts is now a program on the forefront. 500 dads have completed the program with measurable results. 96% of participants increased their custody or parenting time and didn’t end up back in jail for not paying child support. During COVID the program continued via Zoom – with an unexpected result. Girlfriends/wives heard what was being talked about. First Things First gained trust by supporting the parenting journey, which led to the women asking for help learning relationship skills for themselves.

Soon a new program was created called RISE. Designed for seriously committed couples (the majority of whom are living together with multiple children but not married), the goal is to help participants see why marriage matters and how it could fit into their story. Backed by the National Council of Family Relationships, the program includes in-person relationship education, therapy, and case management wrapped in one-on-one coaching.

“We help them see marriage is for them,” Lauren said. “The model as a whole is hands on. Participants gain skills through relational education. They learn how to show love and communicate with each other in healthy ways and manage conflict. Coaches explain how self-protection and coping skills are developed in childhood. Once they go to therapy, they learn how to change their mindset. They don’t have to be like their mom and have multiple boyfriends. They can create a different path for their family.”

The RISE program works individually with each participant to help remove obstacles. Financial barriers are one of the major contributors to people not marrying. “People living in a low-income community often receive more government assistance if they are not married. A father cannot even officially reside in the house with his children or the mother’s benefits decrease. That’s why you’ll hear people say they ‘stay’ rather than ‘live’ somewhere,” Lauren explained. First Things First walks couples through their financial situation and shows them what might happen if they did get married and how they could reap the benefits of pooling a joint income.

“It doesn’t make sense if people are not educated to know how to change,” Lauren said. Thirty-five couples completed RISE in its first 18 months. The program has grown by word of mouth as graduates are encouraged to refer others. The increasing number of couples who marry in itself is a start toward reducing the marriage desert, as each marriage adds to the community and strengthens the others.

First Things First has now begun to partner with local elementary schools and use the DFP model with those served by local Maclellan Family Shelter.

“The National Council told us we were the first organization to use the program holistically,” Lauren said. “They are following us. Our program is hands-on and intensive as we work one-on-one with families. We incorporate the case management piece and walk alongside them for a year.

“Someone planted the seed of the tree that provides the shade you are standing under,” Lauren added. “Seeds take time to grow. We’ll see the real difference when we watch the children stand on the shoulders of their parents who broke the cycle and go farther.”