It’s rare to find a couple who’s a better advertisement for the joy found in marriage than Kathy and Ron Feher. The creators and past directors of internationally known Ever More in Love ministry have been married 55 years and have 10 children. Ever More in Love’s principles are based on the Fehers’ practical and lived experience of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. The ministry helps couples grow in intimacy and emotional and spiritual connection through marriage preparation, everyday skills courses, and weekend getaway retreats. They developed their curriculum in conjunction with Father Chuck Gallagher S.J. under the umbrella of the Pastoral and Matrimonial Renewal Center.

“God has done the most wondrous things in and through us,” Kathy enthused. “We have grown continuously more in love these 55 years. We are more generous and trusting, certainly more playful and joyful. We are passionately and intimately in love than the day we married, and we have watched the Lord do the same miracles in thousands of other couples.

“We believe a couple who is intentionally trying to love each other the way Christ loves the church is arguably the most attractive proclamation of the gospel in this current age to this current generation.”

“That is why we see ourselves as marriage missionaries,” Ron agreed. “God has laid it on our hearts to spread the joy we’ve experienced. It is our life story. We feel God desires every couple to experience a joy filled life, not for their sake alone but for the sake of everyone around them.”

Their ministry journey started in 1975. The young Fehers had been married for five years and crossed paths with Father Chuck Gallagher as a result of a life-changing marriage retreat. Even before Pope John Paul II wrote about the Theology of the Body, Father Chuck was discovering some of the same insights through the Holy Spirit and his interaction with couples. He was filled with an apostolic zeal for couples. “He understood the significance of marriage and its potential to renew the Church and change the world. It wasn’t just marriage for its own sake,” Ron said.

That first retreat transformed the Fehers’ marriage and sparked their enthusiasm for helping others find that same joy. Father Chuck became their best friend and mentor for more than 35 years.

“It was such an exciting time,” Ron said. “We caught his passion and simply wanted to be part of it. He gathered couples who liked to think and put truths into concrete practice. Couples and priests were discussing fundamentals of significant belonging relationships. They formed a resource community that grew into the Pastoral and Matrimonial Renewal Center (PMRC) that became a 501 C (3) charitable organization umbrella for Ever More in Love.

Father Chuck was the original driving force behind the Worldwide Marriage Encounter movement. This experience focuses on drawing a couple into such unity that their love overflows to others. Couples are taught verbal communication skills and tools to describe emotions and feelings in a way that is universally relatable so they can connect emotionally and grow in intimacy. Since its inception in 1968, Worldwide Marriage Encounter has spread to all 50 states and virtually every country on the globe.

Father Chuck believed that Matrimony would reveal the church to itself in a powerfully prophetic way. The idea was that as couples grow closer and more in love, they would manifest the intimacy of the church as a community of faith and subsequently draw everyone closer as well. He was inspired to create Parish Renewal and Parishioner Empowerment retreats, which Ron and Kathy presented to Priests and their people.

To further develop insight into the Sacrament of Matrimony, Ron and Kathy found their niche to be “trying on” Father Chuck’s ideas to see what worked in the practical reality of marriage. They felt particularly drawn to the mission to proclaim authentic sexuality. “We became very aware of how the dynamic between masculinity and femininity and the atmosphere of being in love was central to our relationship as husband and wife,” Kathy said. “Most couples don’t appreciate the power of the attraction of women to male virtue and strength and men to feminine beauty. This attraction is what brings couples together as a force for good. It inspires their desire to marry and fuels the marriage relationship going forward as it draws men and women out of their selfish selves into other-centered, generous, self-donation.” 

They also developed the insight to approach lovemaking as communication, a lived experience of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. They discovered a deeper and more profound intimacy between them when lovemaking was no longer experienced as simply a performance or activity but a communication that echoed the words of their wedding vows. They believe that making love is not something they are “doing” to each but rather something they are “saying” to each other. Their experience of integrating words with touch resulted in giving themselves more totally — mind, body and soul — to each other. That took their relationship to a whole new level that spilled over to bless others.

One of the first defining moments in the Fehers’ discipleship path occurred in 1977. By that time, they had already been presenting marriage retreats for more than two years. They were eager to teach the newest program – a relationship course for high school teens. They believed that students would respond if they were exposed, one-on-one, to an authentic witness of a couple living out the church teachings.

They had just moved to a new parish and advertised their class in the church bulletin with the headline, “Has anyone told you how great it is to be married? We’d like to share our lived experience with you!” They also noted sexual communication as one of the topics to be discussed. Ten kids showed up at the first meeting. When asked what drew them, the first told the Fehers, “I’ve never seen a happily married couple up close – I’d like to see one,” which Kathy said felt like a knife in the heart. Another said, “I saw you guys in church. I don’t know what you’ve got, but I want it.”

That group grew as the original participants brought friends. And, as the Fehers and Father Chuck had hoped, attracted teens back to the church.

In the 1980s Ron and Kathy created a retreat for singles, once again sharing their lived experience of ways a married couple could stay in love. The singles said, “We get it, we believe you. But if you want us to wait for marriage, you have to show us marriages that are worth waiting for.” That comment sent Ron and Kathy back to work with married couples so that those singles would believe that marriage would indeed be worth waiting for.

Their third, “Ah ha” moment happened as they were asked to explain the difference between secular marriage and marriage in the church to a group of college students in Penn State University’s campus ministry.

They asked the participants to create two lists of characteristics: Christ’s love for the church and that of an in-love married couple. When they compared the adjectives, the lists were a mirror image of each other. Both included words like passionate, intimate, forgiving, forever, life-giving. “They used the same words to describe Christ’s relationship with the church as between a husband and wife,” Kathy added. “It was so clear. God’s love is nuptial. He stamped it in our being when he made us male and female, and marriage is clearly a sign of God’s love.”

In 1989, Father Chuck decided it was finally time to create a weekend that addressed the interaction of masculinity and femininity and celebrated the goodness of authentic sexuality as a gift from God. The Fehers and Father Chuck collaborated to create the original Celebrate Love Weekend. They saw an immediate and dramatic response. “People were rethinking openness to life, changing careers, and coming back to church,” Kathy said.

In 1997 they revised and retitled the weekend Living in Love to emphasize the difference between loving and being “in love.” “Being in love is a different disposition of the soul,” Ron said. “Our call is to up the bar and love the way Jesus loves. He does not just ‘get along’ with us; He is passionately in love with us. It is possible to live in love all our lives long. We know it is possible because we’ve experienced it.

“It’s everybody’s dream,” he added. “Couples want to make the other feel in love but don’t know how. We create an experience that helps them so they can do it.

“After the last 50 years, we have developed the technology. We now know what enables couples to experience a joyful marriage. Our mission is to manifest that joy in order to attract, convert, empower and equip others to do the same.”

They rebranded once more in 2020 to Ever More in Love. “We wanted to capture the fundamental truth that we can always grow more in love, closer to each other and closer to God,” Ron said. “We always have the potential to be more generous, more other-centered and therefore, ever more in love.” No matter the name, the Ever More in Love Immersion retreat and its offshoot programs now have reached more than 10,000 couples through a growing network of trained volunteers.

As Kathy and Ron continued running retreats for married couples, a pastor observed people coming back to church and getting more involved. He asked them to package the program for engaged couples. Soon, they had a steady stream of pre-marital couples meeting in their living room, spurred on by the long waiting list of those who planned to marry in Villanova’s beautiful chapel.

“They needed to learn the daily practices and strategies that had made a difference in our lives,” Kathy said. “Working with the engaged is a quintessential evangelizing moment. They are open to whatever you might offer that will help them be successful.” The experiential and robust curriculum included everything the Fehers had learned over the years. Once again, they saw dramatic changes in the participants. “They were forgiving their parents, letting go of hurts, sharing faith and praying together,” Kathy said. The Fehers published the Marriage Prep program in 2003.

The content they created for these programs has been developed into courses that now are available at https://evermoreinlove.org/. These resources provide strategies and language to communicate the new experience of marriage in ways that make sense to the next generation.

Ever More in Love’s flagship program remains the one and a-half day immersion retreat. Because it is such a powerful experience, it is best to attend in person, Ron stressed.

The Fehers have developed leaders and mentors to make the retreat available in parishes and communities across the country. Those leaders will travel to train a team and provide all the course and promotional materials. While the Fehers have a Catholic background, they are open to working with all denominations.

The Weekend Immersion Retreat is described on the website as “Rediscover your marriage’s joy. Successful couples don’t settle. Whether you need to reconnect or you are looking to take your marriage from good to great, our in-person Weekend Immersion is for you.

“We get real about marriage — offering liberating insights and powerful, concrete couple’s experiences. Clear away obstacles that prevent you from loving your spouse well. Increase trust. Discover your spouse’s preferred means to achieve intimacy.”

The Marriage Prep Program also is ideally attended in person, one-on-one with a married mentor couple and an engaged couple, but an online version is available. “It’s a very personal approach in the comfort of a home,” Ron said. “We have a tried-and-true method,” Kathy added. “Everybody agrees that one-on-one mentoring is the ideal. The mentors are convincingly demonstrating it is possible to live in love by living it out in front of them.”

The Marriage Prep Program is described on the website as “Engagement is exciting — and stressful. Between planning the wedding, booking your venues, and communicating with family and friends, it can be really hard to invest in your relationship with each other. “Our course isn’t just another checklist item. Through practical insights, the real-life experiences of your mentor couple, and simple strategies you practice between sessions, this course will help you plan for the marriage of your dreams. You’ll cover the most essential topics before you walk down the aisle.”

Another option either in place of or after an Immersion Weekend is the EveryDay Skills course, which teaches people the marriage tools the Fehers developed. It’s described as: “Get back to the basics, focusing on the little things that’ll make a big difference in your communication, intimacy, and life together. In this fun, experiential course, you’ll learn practical ways to reconcile hurts, communicate effectively, achieve deeper intimacy, and tap into the grace of your sacrament.”

This course is offered in a live, online format and in-person.

Whether through the Immersion Weekend, the EveryDay Skills course or the Marriage Prep Program, Ever More in Love offers couples the tools to build the marriage they’ve always dreamed of.

“This is the time for marriage!” Kathy said. “It is going to be how we can bring Jesus to the world. We can attract the next generation to the church through joy-filled couples, because joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.”