Family Life’s Voice for Young Adults | Shelby Abbott Curates Christ-Honoring Conversations Addressing Today’s Cultural Issues

He’s the newest voice at FamilyLife.

If you’ve listened to FamilyLife Today radio you’ve heard author, speaker and host Shelby Abbott’s intros. But you might not know he’s been hosting his own radio show/podcast for FamilyLife for more than a year. Shelby launched Real Life Loading in the fall of 2022 aimed at the 18-28-year-old demographic.

“My audience starts at post-high school and runs through the time people are getting married and possibly having their first child. A lot happens during that season,” Shelby said.

He describes his role with FamilyLife as providing content that’s the precursor to their marriage and family audience. “If FamilyLife’s goal is to help families land the plane, so to speak, someone has to first build a runway. But even before that, the brush needs to be cleared out of the way. I’m clearing the brush. (metaphorically speaking)”

“If you want to be a good spouse, you prepare before,” he added. “I wanted to address the things young people are questioning and working through in a way that’s Gospel-centric and winsome and helpful, peppered with humor. I want them to see how valuable it is to apply the Gospel to everyday life. The Gospel is not just an entry and exit, it’s for every moment in between.”

Real Life Loading explores topics like anxiety, loneliness, friendships, addiction, fear, sexuality, self-organization, how to communicate well and social media. Although the show will continue to be found on radio through 2024, as of January, Shelby will be taping all new guests for podcast only. He’s found Millennials and Gen Z seek information from podcasts rather than radio, so FamilyLife is pivoting to respond.

Podcasting also allows him to change to a more free form flow the younger audience appreciates. Rather than a typical question and answer session with someone who has written a book – Shelby can go deeper into conversation, “taking cues from” popular secular hosts like Joe Rogan, who holds honest conversations with people to find authentic solutions.

“I started by interviewing ‘experts,’ but I found young people respond just as much to seeing and learning from their peers. They want to learn from other people’s stories. I’m willing to be real, as long as the reality points you to a solution that will be Christ-focused. The Gospel applies to every part of life. If you are having anxiety, it’s a symptom of the greater problem of what’s going on underneath,” he said. “My approach is like having a discipleship opportunity that everyone gets to listen to.”

If you wonder how a married 46-year-old with teenage daughters stays so relevant with the younger generation, you need look no farther than his background working with college students. Shelby came on staff with Cru at James Madison University in the early 2000s after becoming a Christian in college. For the next seven years, he discipled young men and shared the Gospel as the campus organization ballooned from 75 to 700 members. In fact, many who were part of that group later have become pastors and ministry leaders.  He met his wife during that time and together the Abbotts led summer mission boot camps for young adults in Ocean City, Maryland from 2012-2022. (Along the way, Shelby also performed stand-up comedy for four years, which explains the sense of humor that shines through in his podcasts and writing.) It was his book Pressure Points: A Guide to Navigating Student Stress that brought him to the attention of Family Life.

The short guide invites young men and women to practically apply Gospel solutions to life’s pressures and consider Jesus when navigating failure, roadblocks, and other relevant topics like drinking, sex, dating, pornography, and FOMO.

After his radio interview promoting the book, ministry head David Robbins invited Shelby to bring his writing and speaking skills to the ministry. Receiving the blessing of FamilyLife Today’s patriarch of radio Bob Lepine sealed the deal, and Shelby joined the FamilyLife family in 2020.

Pressure Points was actually not Shelby’s first book. He had written I am a Tool (To Help With Your Dating Life) in 2014 to help people relate better in their romantic relationships. One young man, in particular, inspired his content.

“I was discipling on summer mission, and I met a man who was killing it in every area – discipling, praying — but he was completely inept in dealing with the opposite sex!” Shelby said. “People really want to know how to handle social media, sex, how to break up well, the hook-up culture, service, putting the other person first.” Shelby ascribes much importance to a person’s ability or inability to communicate.

“Most of the problems are communication problems —I said something, but she took it another way. You can avoid getting caught up in nonsense if you are intentional about discerning what you say and don’t say,” he said. “People are terrified to say things like, ‘I am serious about getting to know you.’ ‘I enjoy my time with you, and I’d like to see you again.’ “Communication cuts through all that.

“Most dating problems could be solved if people pursued more intentional communication and a higher level of maturity. People like to play games. Treat people like human beings, not like objects for self-gratification. Say what you mean. We’ve taken our cues from “The Bachelor” or Taylor Swift lyrics – it’s all superficial, and drama and sex driven.

“Pursue maturity. Don’t deal with nonsense.”

At the time he wrote the book, social media and cell phones were beginning to shift dating practices. What was just on the horizon in 2014 has become even more relevant today. People now are asking how to deal with culture in its current form with dating apps and hooking-up.

“The only way you can truly get to know someone is through face-to-face interaction,” Shelby stated. “Everything people put out on social media is a front on top of a front on top of a front. It’s your highlight reel. You actually curate an avatar of yourself! Even a text is edited content.  Truly getting to know someone only will happen in the context of face to face. You cannot marry an Instagram reel.”

While those in the younger range of his audience group can find fertile opportunities to meet a promising date in college, in campus ministry, or on a mission, the post-college single can find it difficult to locate a potential mate. Shelby asks average young people where they spend their time.

“They might go for Taco Tuesday after work, but a lot are spending their time on the phone alone. It is just normal to meet people through an app.” While he believes that “swiping” pours into the consumeristic nature of the culture, he does admit dating apps have been a way God has provided for people to broker an initial introduction.

“While the entry into the pool might be through the shallow end of dating apps and texting, eventually we need to learn to swim. You need to get to some reality to get to know a person, be vulnerable, and willing to share. And it can’t be at a bar where everyone’s yelling.”

Shelby drew from the book’s section on social media to develop a short, e-book titled, The 10 Social Media No-Nos that Can Ruin Your Romantic Life that he offers at no charge for those who request it on his website, https://shelbyabbott.com/.

“Handling significant personal interactions over a text message, a social media conversation, or even an email when it can be done face-to-face implies retreat. It implies a lack of initiative, and a selfish desire for control. That smiley faced emoji with hearts for eyes might be cute once or twice to quench the fire of an argument between a couple, but when it’s time to get real, clever emojis aren’t going to suffice. Authentic, difficult, realtime communication must happen in order for a relationship to survive and thrive…and honor Jesus for that matter,” he writes in the introduction. His list of 10 includes:

1.Don’t ever start a relationship or break up with someone via text or social media.

2. Don’t share every detail of your dating relationship online.

3. Don’t communicate important things over text messaging.

4. Don’t constantly be on your phone when you’re with other people.

5. If you’re a couple, don’t fight on social media.

6. If you’re not a couple, don’t fight on social media. Facebook arguments are not in the business of changing people’s hearts and minds by communicating WITH people…they are in the business of shouting AT people.

7. Don’t talk to the faceless social media community about your relationship problems.

8. Don’t find your significance in social media.

9. Don’t think that you know someone just because you stalked them online. Everything that is typed out on a text or posted online is edited content. If you really want to know someone, you must spend time with them, not time watching them…

10. Don’t allow texting and social media to diminish your social skills. If all you do is live your life through your phone, you’ll never know how to engage with someone appropriately. Learn the communication skills of eye contact, proactive listening, asking good questions, etc.

“All in all, spend less time looking for the right person, and more time on becoming the right person.  Of course technology is a natural part of interacting in the modern dating relationship world, but never forget in the midst of all the online/texting complexity that Jesus is the ultimate.”

What’s the Point of Marriage

Shelby published the book, What’s the Point?: Asking the Right Questions About Living Together and Marriage in 2021 to caution young adults against the cultural norm of cohabitation prior to (or instead of) marriage.

What’s the Point? is a small easy read for anyone asking questions about living together and marriage. “Moving in together is easy. But this book explores the side you might not hear: why marriage might be a good idea after all,” from the online description.

“Marriage is way better than cohabitation in all the statistics,” Shelby said. “It’s so bizarre that the evil one has convinced us that cohabitation is the natural next step, and we’ve bought it hook, line and sinker.” He helps the reader deconstruct the reasons people give to explain why they believe cohabitation is preferable to marriage.

“People will say, ‘I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me that I love you.’ But how do you define love? The culture has been reshaping the definition of love to mean what they want it to be — a feelings-based definition of love.

“I dare to say that the Biblical perspective of love is about the piece of paper. What are we committed to? Our feelings? Or are we committed to our commitment? If you are willing to share your body with someone but not your life with them — that’s self-love.

“Suffering will happen in life – that’s where the rubber meets the road. Are you the person who is going to stick when it gets hard, or are you going to say, ‘This isn’t working for me.’ I dare say, re-define your definition of love. It’s not a feeling, not about what you can do for me to make me feel good as a person. My love is a covenant relationship with you. I am willing to share every part of you. I commit on the front end. True love follows commitment.”

Shelby’s friend from FamilyLife Today, Bob Lepine, has this to say, “Choices have consequences. Yet so many couples in our day are choosing to move in together prior to marriage without even pausing to consider how that decision might affect their relationship. I’m grateful for this clear-eyed look at some of the pitfalls of living together before tying the knot.”

“A human being is not a car – don’t test drive it before you buy it,” Shelby concluded. Next time you are wondering how to respond to questions about culture and relationships with the millennials and Gen Z’s in your life, look for Shelby’s authentic, Christ-centered books and podcast.