Men’s ministry has been near and dear to Tj’s heart, in part to overcome the deficit from his own upbringing. Like many, Tj grew up with a father figure who fell short and he describes as an anti-role model. What he lacked at home he looked for in other godly men.
“God surrounded me with men I gleaned from, and that’s a great thing to do for your wife, your family and yourself. You have to come to Christ first before you can help anyone else,” he said. While he had been raised going to church, Tj recognized Christ as his savior at the age of 25. Now he’s plugged in to a church that unpacks the Gospel weekly, from which he learns as he creates content for Uncommen.
When his sons were born, Tj realized how much more he wanted to do. “It became more important to be an example of what a godly man wants to be,” Tj said. Uncommen became an opportunity to share what was going on in his heart through being a husband, a dad, and a leader – three pillars on which Uncommen focuses.
“God has used my 30+ year journey to help me develop content around what men are struggling with. It’s a platform to talk about harder issues like competitiveness, inability to communicate, coming from a dysfunctional childhood. Men have a tendency to get in our boxes and isolate ourselves. Most guys struggle with the same issues. If we talk about them, there is healing to be had,” he said.
The Uncommen website, uncommen.org, looks visually appealing and culturally relevant. While Tj said their male target audience spans all ages, the current tone and slightly edgy graphics in bold colors are designed to interest younger generations and not seem stuffy or “churchy.” Not surprisingly for a site geared to men, most of Uncommen’s content presents a male perspective. Men are encouraged to first look in the mirror and work on themselves and their relationship with Christ before they can lead their wives and families.
“It’s the top of a pyramid. As we start to grow personally, we’ll grow closer together with our wives and eventually both closer to God,” Tj explained. “If a man wants to start to have a better marriage, he has to start with his heart first. We get emails saying, ‘My marriage is dysfunctional.’ I’ll ask, are you believers? Do you go to church? Read the Bible daily? Maybe the problem is you are not right with Christ or not willing to make a change to have a better marriage. You can’t expect a godly marriage if you are not part of the godly equation.”
Uncommen offers two pathways to access information. Free resources include devotions, articles, Man to Man podcasts and Bible studies. More than 85 devotions can be found at no charge through the YouVersion, Logos and Olive Tree applications.
Uncommen’s most recent Bible Study is called Known: finding your true identity in Christ. “Many men know about Jesus, but few truly know who they are because of him. If you feel defined by your failures, roles, or the world’s opinions, this seven-day devotional offers a solid foundation. Discover who you are in God’s eyes. Take your time, dive deep, and live out your true identity.” As described on the website.
Devotion topics that address marriage are titled Heart Conditions and include: How to Prioritize Your Wife, House Divided, Uncommen Husbands 1 and 2, What Women Want, Husbands Defined and Code Purple (where pink and blue come together).
“I don’t think a man who is changed by God will be the same husband. He’s different on the inside. He’ll speak differently. His wife will feel led, loved, heard, supported and respected. It’s hard to be led by a person you don’t respect,” Tj said. “Our content is designed to encourage and challenge you. That’s what men need. They may not want it – but we are there to deliver both and challenge everyone, including ourselves.”
