Addiction. Depression. Anxiety. Unfaithfulness. Suicidal thoughts. Job loss. The list includes many of the reasons marriages disintegrate. Adelle and Travis Graham experienced them all – and more. But instead of letting adversity tear them apart, the couple leaned into God’s strength, pursued healing and now offer hope to others suffering similarly.

Now Master Mental Health Coaches with marriage and family emphasis board certified through the American Association of Christian Counselors, they share their story of Brokenness to Restoration with couples through their Noble Marriage ministry where they teach others to learn and apply the tools that changed the trajectory of their lives through their speaking, coaching, intensives and online courses.

“We are board certified, master mental health coaches with emphasis on family and marriage.’ We are giving hope and healing to marriage through our own experience and the years of rediscovering our own marriage. Our focus is on helping marriages thrive, with each spouse becoming a whole and complete individual so they can experience the meaningful, thriving marriage that God designed for them,” they said.

Throughout their childhood and life Adelle and Travis developed patterns and wounds that taught them unhealthy lessons like people-pleasing, striving for accolades, poor communication, secret keeping, fear and shame.  The result – they doubted that God truly loved them for who they were.

Then life happened. Travis developed PTSD after a traumatic incident through his work. Physical injuries left him addicted to prescription painkillers and alcohol. Adelle dealt with her own debilitating back injury. Both felt lost when identities that had been affirmed by work performance were shaken. Add the emotional and spiritual burdens of feeling judged and unworthy, and their relationship was a perfect storm heading toward divorce.

“We didn’t have a good foundation to know what is healthy in life and marriage,” Adelle said. “We were in survival mode — taking it day by day. There were so many things going on we just normalized. So many topics were off-limits. Travis couldn’t verbalize what was going on, so we just drifted apart.”

In spring of 2018 Travis had an emotional and spiritual breakthrough. He experienced an epiphany during a church men’s hike where he encountered God for the first time in a meaningful and personal way.

“I was desperate to know Jesus,” he said. “The Bible says, ‘If you seek him, you will find him.’ I saw that Jesus loved me so much. The Gospel became real. I was baptized in the river on the hike.”

Travis felt his spirit was transformed immediately. “That’s what happens when we meet Jesus, he transforms us in a moment. But there’s still a body and a soul” (that needs to be sanctified.)

Now the words in the Bible started leaping off the page, and Travis recommitted to working through whatever it took to turn his life around.

Likewise, counseling helped Adelle identify her unhealthy coping mechanisms. A Christian counselor connected Adelle with her pain and helped her peel back the onion of herself, exposing the things she had covered up.

2018 was a pivotal year for the Grahams. They dug into their Bibles, sought counseling and continued attending marriage conferences. They felt like they were on the path forward when, in the fall, on their 12th anniversary, God revealed betrayal from the past they needed to work through.

“I felt like God had already rescued us from so much,” Adelle said. “This brought me to my knees in ways that were humiliating and humbling. I had a lot of pride. I thought it was all Travis’ fault. God made it clear. He was giving me a choice, and if I chose to stay, he would bless my marriage and help others heal.”

The Grahams already had planned to attend a marriage retreat that started just three days after the secret was revealed. Venerated Gary Chapman (author of The Five Love Languages) was the speaker. He took the time to counsel the couple personally. Adelle asked, “How am I ever going to forgive him? I already struggle to forgive. What he (Dr. Chapman) said changed my outlook. ‘You are never going to feel like forgiving. If you wait on your feelings, you will never forgive. You have to make a choice to forgive, and your feelings will eventually follow.’

“I felt like Travis was the problem and the solution. I had created a long list of things he needed to do to win back my trust. What (Dr. Chapman) said empowered me to make a choice to forgive. God gave me amazing visions of what was ahead, even though I couldn’t see them at the time.”

Not long after, the Grahams returned to their place of special refuge, Winshape retreat center, where they attended Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored marriage intensive. By that time, they’d attended at least four marriage retreats on the peaceful campus. Each time, they’d learn new tools to communicate better. “We knew God would work in our relationship,” Adelle said. “We went expecting Him to move mountains. This intensive kickstarted our healing in a profound way.”

One of the things they learned was how to take responsibility for their own hearts and emotions.

“The therapists were amazing,” Adelle said. “I felt heard for the first time in my life. Somebody saw my pain.”

As for Travis, he noted they learned new tools about how to listen and talk about the real issues that were going on in their hearts.

They embraced the curriculum and the 15-week follow up program – always aware that they could end up back in the same cycles if they didn’t continue to do the work.

As they continued their healing journey, the Grahams began to create a new lifestyle of changed communication — solving conflict constructively and pursuing oneness. They marveled the first time they stopped an argument in its tracks.

“We began talking about everything, and healing started to happen in conversation,” Travis said. “We learned how to work through disagreements and find love and intimacy on the other side,” Adelle added.

“We saw a new way of living. Now every time we have an opportunity to work through a disagreement it enriches our relationship. We were getting to know each other for the first time.”

“I love to say now that I know you inside and out,” Adelle agreed.

Those interested in their story can watch them describe it in person at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9itc57qfWk8 .

After running after their healing and freedom and continuing learning new knowledge, the Grahams felt in 2021 they could share their freedom and passion for what Jesus had done for them.

“We wanted to use our experience to equip couples with new tools to fight FROM victory and not FOR victory, to fight FOR their marriage and not against each other,” Travis said, referring to 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 that says, “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others when they are troubled.”

“We’ve been there without hope,” he added. “We want to help people see there’s hope and healing with Christ Jesus. We are just the vessels for His work.”

“It is so fulfilling and lifegiving,” Adelle agreed. “We have couples who come in who are so broken just like we were. What a blessing to have someone walk side-by-side with them through their pain and help guide them to the other side.”

The Noble Marriage was born.

Travis and Adelle continued taking courses, classes, programs, and certifications to help them be better able to minister to people in the kingdom. They wrote a curriculum they taught to small groups at their church that became the Transform Your Marriage Program now available through their online academy at thenoblemarriage.com. The Grahams continue to refine the content as they coach couples, speak, lead intensives and soon will publish a book, excerpts of which can be found on their YouTube channel, @TheNobleMarriage.

In 2021 Travis and Adelle closed their other businesses and took a leap of faith to go into full time ministry – beginning with helping people rebuild intimacy and trust after betrayal. Now their sole focus is helping other couples in crisis get healthy in their marriages and experience all that God has available to them.

“Lives are being changed and marriages restored,” Adelle said. “It’s so exciting to see God’s redemption through our pain and all we’ve been through to help other marriages really get the healing they deserve to have. We desire that other couples experience a personal relationship with Jesus and the true intimacy and oneness as God has designed it.”

“It is exciting to see lives being changed, and it’s all Him,” Travis added. “When marriages are changed and healed, children are absolutely impacted and affected. Lives are changed forever…. Through our healing we learned how to rebuild that foundation. Before, we were teaching (their daughter) how to live an ineffective marriage. Now we are teaching her a different way to live her life.”

“The Lord opened our eyes to see what was going on. There is a real enemy, and he is out to destroy our marriages and our individual hearts,” Adelle said. They help couples reprogram the body, soul and unhealthy patterns developed through life.

“Sanctification takes time,” Travis said. “We walk through what that looks like in a transformative, God-honoring and healthy way. We help people learn how to let go of the lies the enemy wrote on our hearts. While Jesus transforms our spirit in a moment, the flesh and soul drag us back into our past. More healing needs to take place in the body and soul.”

They ask couples to picture a filing cabinet to explain how patterns from the past can sap the joy and fruitfulness from the present and future. The file drawer to the past should be closed. 

“The past has already happened and gone,” Travis said. “But sometimes we leave the drawer open (to the past) and allow it to come into the present. We need to go back to the past to identify what the enemy wrote on our heart and what spiritual influences have attached themselves and close the drawer so we can be fully present and embrace a future full of possibilities with God.”

Another concept exposes lies versus truth from the past. “The brain absorbs lies like they are true,” Adelle said. “As long as you have a belief system that agrees with the enemy’s lies, you’ll remain in bondage.

They share the concept of blind spots, “You don’t know what you don’t know,” and through their programs help couples uncover these blind spots and support them to develop their individual, vertical relationship with God to bring themselves as whole and complete people to the marriage.

“Marriage coaching has nothing to do with marriage,” Travis said. “It has to do with how I show up as a whole and complete person who complements the marriage, rather than when I show up with all my thorns and fears and expect my spouse to complete me.”

“People in pain need help identifying how to capture their thoughts and unlearn patterns,” Adelle said. “I knew there was hope for our marriage, that we were going to make it and have a relationship pleasing to God, I just didn’t know how to do it when we were in crisis.”

The website also links to more than 200 videos they’ve recorded that dive deeper into their story, explain how to deal with betrayal, address personal growth and finding oneness. They note they enjoy watching God move mountains in marriages of all seasons all over the globe.

A link on the home page offers a free downloadable PDF for those whose spouse has been unfaithful. The Grahams enjoy walking through betrayal in person with a couple. They coach together so each spouse can understand what the other is experiencing and support the other in a God-honoring way.

Couples can access their online, on-demand Walking Through Betrayal program. The Grahams provide sample prayers, describe how to create an emotional safe haven, explain what it means to be in integrity and how to establish boundaries and safeguards. The curriculum addresses the five stages of grief and how to deal with triggers. They estimate more than 200 couples have accessed their help in this area. The program can be found on their website or through Right Now Media.

A Heart-to-Heart communication program helps couples see what the other’s heart is saying behind the words. Creating an Emotional Safe Haven in Marriage teaches new communication skills.

But Travis and Adelle’s great joy is in leading intensive retreat weekends with a couple in their home. They take great care to provide a peaceful, tranquil, calm and safe environment that’s been bathed in the Holy Spirit.

They describe their intensive on their website:

“Our program provides a transformative experience, combining biblical principles with experiential learning to address the body, mind, and spirit. Whether you’re facing pain, resentment, or betrayal, our intensive approach has helped couples achieve profound and lasting breakthroughs.”

Content includes:

*Fast-Tracked Healing: Experience intensive couples’ therapy in a weekend format, ideal for couples seeking rapid results.

*Supernatural and Physical Transformation: We believe in addressing all aspects of healing, fostering body, mind, and spirit renewal through prayer and experiential activities.

*Biblical Foundations: Our teachings are firmly rooted in the Bible, offering guidance for couples of all backgrounds.

*Experiential Learning: We combine powerful teachings with engaging activities and physical exercises, creating a dynamic learning environment.

*Personalized Support: Prior to the retreat, each partner participates in a personal growth journey. During your stay, we serve as your dedicated hosts, ensuring your every need is met.

The first day they focus on individual freedom, breaking any bondage in either spouse that would hinder the marriage from being restored. Day two focuses on how the enemy has been attacking their marriage through blind spots and lies from their past and how this impacts the marriage. Day three moves into oneness and sexual intimacy.

They report people leave transformed and free. “They are not the same people who walked in,” Adelle said.

The Grahams also invite couples to a monthly Re-ignite your Marriage group coaching call. They realize how much couples can benefit not only from the support of like minded peers, but as they learn vicariously listening to the experiences of others.

“People don’t have to live in pain like we did,” Travis said. “They can live a life being whole and complete through God. Our hope is that every family finds hope and healing.”

“When 2 hearts are willing, God can work miracles.”